Miss Mary Sue: Final Mix
by Reaper-Lawliet
Summary: Rewrite. Mary Sue Parody. Mary Sue is the most amazing person in the entire universe. She's kind, selfless, amazingly powerful, and extremely gorgeous. Too bad no one else seems to realize this. Completed!
1. Meet Mary Sue

**Miss Mary Sue**

Disclaimer: HEY GUYS, GUESS WHAT? I don't own Kingdom Hearts. But unfortunately, Mary Sue is mine.

**A/N:** Well, guys, here it is: the first chapter of the redone tale of _Miss Mary Sue_. I'm taking down the old chapters and totally replacing them with the new ones (so you'll get email alerts when I update if you so choose).

* * *

**Chapter 1- Meet Mary Sue**

At some point in one's life, we've all run into the wonderful world of fanfiction. And don't you try and contradict me, because if you haven't, you wouldn't be staring at your computer screen and reading this right now. And what a wonderful world fanfiction is; young writers trying their hands at storytelling. And every once in a while, and amazing story comes along that makes you say, "Oh my God, I wish that author would rub some awesomeness off on to me so I can hope to be just as awesome as them some day."

But wherever there's great, there's the not so great to counteract it. And then, there's the "so bad it makes your eyes bleed" kind of bad. And on this level, aside from the fics overrun with bad grammar, out character-ness, and a billion and seven clichés that have been done a billion and seventeen times, we have something that strikes fear into the hearts of readers and writers alike.

You've probably seen it and some point, too. Maybe you've even done it yourself without realizing it (because let's face it, we all do at some point). Maybe you've read it and slammed your head into your desk so hard your mother felt it.

And this thing, is a simple, two-word term: _Mary Sue._

Now what is a Mary Sue, you may ask? Well, they are those characters that are gorgeous, ultra-powerful, have every member of the opposite sex in love with them (usually the author's favorite character), can do no wrong, stop global warming, find Waldo, and occasionally, are the author themselves. In other words, a character whom is perfect (and annoying) in every possible way. And they are found in almost every fandom with "sexy kawaii desu bishie boyz!11!", and occasionally, canon, as seen in _Twilight._

Before proceeding with this story, I must give you a fair warning. The story that is about to unfold before you is one of true horror. I suggest you do not read on if you are prone to headaches because of stupidity of others, bleeding eyes, or fainting.

You have been warned.

* * *

_I've been having these weird thoughts lately. Like, is any of this for real?_

(Cue dramatic pause.)

_Or not?_

After stealing the horribly familiar opening lines of a certain spiky-haired protagonist, a pale-skinned (yet it seemed to sparkle when light hit it) girl whose hair was streaked with every color of the rainbow, some colors that hadn't been discovered yet, and some colors that were beyond the visible spectrum and were only visible to some insects felt herself falling. And that disturbed her, because she was normally able to fly with the single, white, feathery wing that protruded from her back.

However, instead of falling to the ground and becoming a rainbow pancake like you all would have hoped, she somehow managed to gracefully land on her feet. The golden crown that rested on the top of her head had somehow not fallen off, despite the fact that she was falling head-first.

She brushed herself off. Her outfit consisted of a bright pink, sparkly top that really didn't cover too much more than your average sports bra would, a white miniskirt that went an eighth of the way down her thighs, and a pair of stylish combat boots.

"_You are the chosen one- crap, wrong kid. Damn, how hard can it be to send me some kid with spiky brown hair and ridiculous clown shoes?"_

"Who are you?" our mysterious, beautiful main character exclaimed in her perfect, musical voice, trying to find the owner of the random disembodied voice. "I don't want what you're selling!"

"_Relax, I gave up trying to sell auto insurance when that silver-haired kid came here and was all, 'I'm too young to drive!'" _the disembodied voice sighed. _"Well, now that you're here, you have a great destiny set out in front of you and blah blah blah."_

"What do you mean!" our nameless main character asked desperately, sparkling nervously. Her ocean blue eyes suddenly changed to purple with her confusion. You see, mood rings are so three paragraphs ago. Who needs those when you have color-changing eyes?

"_Hell, I don't even know. I'm just reading off a script."_

"Oh, really? Aren't you supposed to hand me a weapon and tell me what time of day my adventure will begin? After all," she stopped, struck a heroic pose, and blew a kiss. "I'm the main character."

"_Actually, we ran out of weapons. But you can have this complimentary rubber ducky." _

At that moment, a yellow rubber ducky materialized on the floor. Picking up, our sparkly hero noticed what she was standing on. It was a large, glass platform that would seem sickeningly familiar to anyone whose played the first game in this series. However, pictures of impossibly perfect girls decorated the floor instead of various Disney princesses. There was a also picture of a sparkly dude that looked a bit like Cedric Diggory and whiny girl clinging off his arm.

"_Now shoo, get out! I have an acupuncture appointment."_

"But, I still have questions! I haven't even told the audience what my name is!" she tossed a strand of her hair over her shoulder, which was rather impressive, considering it went well past her waist. "Well, I don't care whether you give me permission or not. My name is Mary Sunlight Ramen Dawn Moonbeam Starlight Shimmer Heaven Earth Coffee Starbucks-"

"_That's it, I can't take you anymore. Get out!"_

_

* * *

_

The sparkly girl woke up in the back of her moving van. She must have fallen asleep, she noted. Inside the truck, all her belongings were packed into cardboard boxes, except the furniture, which was just used to hold some of the boxes. She decided to ride with her furniture to protect her hot pink items from any damage.

Our heroine was moving from a magical place called Mary Sue's School for Mary Sue Magic People, which was basically a Sues' equal to Hogwarts, to a little place called the Destiny Islands. And this was big news, because usually, the only people that moved to these islands fell out of the sky during meteor storms or randomly washed up on the beach.

When she finally felt the truck come to a halt and the doors opened, the poor movers who opened the door suffered massive nosebleeds just looking at her (or rather, what her clothes didn't cover), and passed out from the loss.

"Would you guys like, mind not getting blood all over my new driveway?" she giggled. "Silly boys, always spurting blood from their nostrils when they see me."

One of the few movers who hadn't had a nosebleed when he saw her rolled his eyes. Our rainbow-haired hero was glad he didn't, because he was over thirty, hadn't shaved that morning, and could afford to lose a few pounds. Then there was the fact that he elegantly scratched his butt before yawning and speaking to her.

"…You want helping bringing this stuff in, Miss…er…I didn't catch your name."

"My name? Oh, that's simple! It's Mary Sunlight Ramen Dawn Moonbeam Starlight Shimmer Heaven Earth Coffee Starbucks-"

"Can I get a nickname?" the man interrupted.

"Oh, it's Mary Sue!" she giggled, hoping out of the truck. Her new condo must've cost a fortune, because it had an amazing view of the sparkling, blue ocean. Off in the distance, there was a smaller island, and Mary Sue made a mental note to make a dramatic entrance there later, because her plot advancement senses were tingling.

How did she afford all of this, you may ask? Well, her parents had lots of money. Or something like that. People just can't be rich for no reason anymore without being questioned, can they?

"…Alright, Mary Sue. Do you need my help?" the mover asked.

"Of course not, Jonathan," Mary Sue replied. She snapped her fingers, and all of sudden, the moving truck was emptied, her condo was not only furnished but painted hot pink, a unicorn was now roaming around outside, the movers' blood was restored, Jonathan's face was shaved, and she now had a cup of Starbucks coffee.

"That was disturbing," Jonathan the mover blinked. "And how did you know my name?"

Mary Sue sipped her coffee wand waved her hands around. "I used my SUPAH AMAZIN POWAHS to read your mind!"

"…As long as it's something normal," Jonathan sighed. However, they both failed to noticed that Jonathan had a nametag on. However, reading nametags just isn't as awesome as reading minds.

"You may go now," Mary Sue dismissed.

Jonathan, whom had about enough of this, as I'm sure all of you have, wasn't about to argue. He and the other movers, who had been busy cleaning blood off their faces this entire time, went back into the trucks and drove off into the sunset…or midday sun, whichever sounds more dramatic.

"Now that I'm all alone," Mary Sue said, "I must advance the plot!"

And so, being a good little character, Mary Sue went off to go advance the plot in the most amazing (and clichéd) way she could possibly think of: she flew down to the beach and launched herself into the ocean.

* * *

Now, we all know full well that the only decent way to start off a Kingdom Hearts fanfic is to have the main character suddenly wash up on the beach. Well, only after they have their "Dive into the Heart/Speaking to Mister Creepy Disembodied Voice" experience. And Mary Sue intended to stick to this cliché- er, guideline.

And so, she pretended to be unconscious as she waterbent the waves to push her towards the little island. When she finally got there, she lay on the sand, perfectly still, waiting for someone to notice her. Why it took the children on the island fifteen minutes to notice a sparkling teenage girl with one wing laying on their beach is beyond me.

A teenage boy with spiky brown hair, big blue eyes, a silver crown necklace, and large yellow shoes that resembled something a clown would wear finally ran over to her. Now, any fan of the series would recognize him as Sora, the hero of the story. But, this isn't his story anymore. Nope, Mary Sue kindly stole that position.

"Wait a minute," Sora said, kneeling down next to Mary Sue. Her face was covered by her hair, but she smirked. "What do we have here?"

"HEY, KAIRI!" he yelled suddenly. He pulled something sticking out of the back of Mary Sue's skirt that felt slimy and wet. "I FOUND THAT FISH YOU WERE LOOKING FOR! WHERE'D YOU SAY THOSE MUSHROOMS WERE?"

Sora is also known for not being the smartest protagonist to ever save the universe from certain destruction. And at this, Mary Sue picked up her head slightly and slammed it back into the sand.

And thus, the tale of Mary Sue began- with Sora pulling a fish out of her skirt.

* * *

**A/N:** Because we all know the real way to get to the Destiny Islands is randomly washing up on the beach one day.

Review, please?


	2. Riku's Girlfriend

**Miss Mary Sue: Final Mix**

Disclaimer: If I owned Kingdom Hearts, Xion would not exist. So there.

**A/N:** I'm so glad people are enjoying the rewrite so far! Looking over the old chapters makes my eyes bleed, and not just because of Mary Sue.

For those whom are confused, this is basically like the "Final Mix" editions of the Kingdom Hearts games- a rewrite with a better quality of storytelling that's basically the same as the original, but with stuff added in so that it makes more sense.

Oh, and yes, I do like Kairi.

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**Chapter 2- Riku's Girlfriend  
**

Now, generally, one would think that the children of the Destiny Islands would be genuinely disturbed by a sparkling, one-winged teenage girl randomly washing up on the beach. But since this happened so regularly and it was sort of Kairi's thing, they treated it like it was normal and used the "maybe-if-I-ignore-it-it'll-go-away" strategy.

The Destiny Island's smaller island was different from the main island. It was the island where the children played, and the only real building was a shack that looked like it would fall over if too much wind hit it. There was an ever smaller little island that was connected to it by a wooden bridge. This smaller island had a bent-over tree that you could sit on and look out at the ocean, to watch out for random teenage girls approaching the beach.

Sora held up his fish proudly as a girl with short red hair and blue-violet eyes walked over. This girl was Kairi- Sora's friend and love interest, even if the fangirls said otherwise. She was generally accused of being the true Mary Sue of this series just for getting in the way of the non-existent "hawt yaoiezz!111!".

"Took you long enough!" Kairi teased. Sora's face fell a bit at this. "There are some mushrooms by where Riku put the raft, last I checked."

Mary Sue, as you could have imagined, was sick of being ignored. After all, the title of this fanfic is _Miss Mary Sue_, meaning that she was the man character. Not Sora. He had three games to be the star in. So, she stood up, dusted herself off, and flounced over to Sora and Kairi.

"Oh, my, I seem to have lost my memory!" she said melodramatically. "And I randomly washed up on this beach! What are the odds?"

"…Uh, slim to none?" Sora suggested sheepishly as Kairi giggled a bit at his statement.

"BUT IT'S TRUE!"

"Relax!" Sora said. "I'm Sora, by the way. And this is Kairi."

"Kairi?" Mary Sue repeated, her eyes suddenly changing to a bright yellow.

"Um, yeah, that's me," Kairi replied, raising an eyebrow.

"BABY SISTER!" Mary Sue cried rather suddenly, practically tackle-hugging Kairi down to the sand before the poor girl could actually do anything. Apparently, memory loss means nothing nowadays. "I MISSED YOU!"

"Wh-What? I don't have a sister! At least, I think I don't…" Kairi said, trying her best to push Mary Sue off of her. You see, Kairi actually _did_ suffer from memory loss, after washing up on the beach of the Destiny Islands all those years ago. She couldn't remember her past life, not that she really cared.

Mary Sue looked hurt, her eyes suddenly changing to blue. "You don't remember me, Kairi? My name is Mary Sunlight Ramen Dawn Moonbeam Starlight Shimmer Heaven Earth Coffee Starbucks Hamster Gym Socks Cloud Gumdrop Materia Christmas Turtle Soup Daisy Miso Neko Kawaii Amazing Gorgeous Loch Ness Candy Rainbow Apple Cloud Rain Snow Hail Sleet Strife Heart Lily Athena Ocean Star January February March April May June July August September October November December Antidisestablishmentarianism Sue!"

"Can you give us a nickname, then?" Sora asked, trying to pry Mary Sue off of Kairi. Sora had a rather simple mind and wasn't always the best with names- especially one that consisted of 53 random nouns.

"Oh, of course, silly! You can call me Mary Sue!" She giggled.

"Hey, why aren't you guys working- what in the world is going on?"

Sora, Kairi, and Mary Sue looked up to see a young boy with silver hair that went just past his chin, whom was carrying a log. He wore a yellow and black tank top, puffy blue pants that reeked of Disney, and large blue shoes just like his friends. In fact, Mary Sue was beginning to wonder if anyone in this fandom had normal sized feet or knew their shoe size.

"Hey, Riku! We _were_ working, but all of a sudden, this girl just randomly tackled Kairi! I found that fish, by the way!" Sora grinned enthusiastically, motioning towards the fish sticking out of his pocket.

Mary Sue got off of Kairi and brushed herself off. "Nice to meet you! I'm Mary Sunlight Ramen Dawn Moonbeam Starlight Shimmer Heaven Earth Coffee Starbucks-"

"Just call her Mary Sue," Kairi interrupted, getting up as well.

"…Right. I'm Riku," the silver-haired boy replied, narrowing his blue-green eyes. "Where did she come from? I don't remember seeing her around here before."

"I think she randomly washed up on the beach," Sora replied, folding his arms. "That's what she said happened, anyways."

"…Another one? How many people does that make, now?" Riku sighed.

"Forty-seven," Kairi said, "But most of them go away when we don't notice them. But if you're counting that one random guy who was convinced that it was his destiny to marry Sora, then it's forty-eight."

"So, baby sister, you'll let me play with your little friends, right!" Mary Sue smiled, attaching herself to Kairi's arm. Actually, she wasn't really interested in being friends with Sora or Kairi. Her SUPAH AMAZIN POWAHS were telling her that Riku didn't have a canon love interest- so it was time to change that.

"Oh, yeah, she says she's Kairi's older sister!" Sora smiled. Riku gave him a slightly exasperated look.

"I don't see why not," Riku shrugged. "We're leaving tomorrow, anyway."

"You're leaving? Where?" Mary Sue asked.

"We're going-"

"TO CANDY MOUNTAIN!" Sora interrupted. Riku whacked him over the back of the head as Kairi giggled.

"No, we're going to explore the other words, you idiot," Riku sighed.

"I'll come with you!" Mary Sue exclaimed, her eyes changing to pink. Sora, whom hadn't actually noticed the other two times they did this, seemed surprised.

"Hey, weren't your eyes blue two seconds ago?" he asked.

"Yes, but they change colors with my mood. Doesn't everyone's?"

"…Not really, no."

* * *

After having to listen as Mary Sue ranted on for a good hour or so about how amazing her eyes were, it was decided that she had to help get supplies for the raft if she was going to accompany them. She couldn't just be a lazy, good-for-nothing freeloader, after all. Sora and Kairi went to go look for mushrooms while Mary Sue stayed with Riku.

"So, Riku," she batted her eyes flirtatiously, "What do I need to get for you?"

"Just fill this canteen with drinking water, okay?" Riku replied, tossing her said canteen. "Not ocean water. We can't drink that."

"Okay, no problem!" Mary Sue smiled. With that, she snapped her fingers, and a bottle of water appeared in her hand. She pulled off the cap and poured the contents of the bottle into the canteen, then happily handed it over to Riku.

"How did you do that?" Riku blinked, taking the bottle from her.

"My SUPAH AMAZIN POWAHS!" Mary Sue smiled. "Aren't I amazing?"

"…Sure. Um, there's something else I want you to get before Sora tries and ends up killing himself," Riku replied. "We need a seagull egg, but those are on the top of really tall palm trees. And I don't trust Sora climbing one of those."

"You got it!" Mary Sue, winked, snapping her fingers once again. This time, a seagull egg appeared in her hand, and she handed over to Riku. She smiled, showing off her perfect, white teeth. In fact, they were so perfect and white, it blinded a nearby seagull, causing it to crash into a palm tree and die, landing right at Mary Sue's feet as Riku averted his eyes.

"Look, I even got you a chicken dinner!" Mary Sue smiled, holding up the poor bird.

At this point, the author would like to inform you that she does not condone eating random birds off the beach. Kids, you don't know where that thing has been. I wouldn't even suggest eating random mushrooms you find on the beach, but hey, in this universe, child safety laws are relative.

"Uh, thanks…I guess…" Riku said warily.

"Hey, look, the sun's setting!" Mary Sue exclaimed suddenly.

"No, it's not."

Our sparkly protagonist sighed and snapped her fingers. Using her SUPAH AMAZIN PLOT ADVANCEMENT SKILLZ, the sun suddenly decided to sink a good 25 degrees below the horizon, painting the sky brilliant shades of orange, pink, and purple, which reflected in the ocean.

"Oh, Riky-poo, isn't it romantic?" the only party stupid enough to call Riku by such a name batty her eyes flirtatiously again, while the canon character in question rolled his eyes and sighed in disgust. Before anything else could happen, Sora and Kairi returned with a bag.

"I GOT LOTS OF MUSHROOMS!" Sora grinned. "Hey, did you guys see the sun set so fast? Freaky, huh?"

"Yes," Riku replied, glaring at Mary Sue, "Disturbing."

"We should go home and get our rest," Kairi suggested. "We have a big day tomorrow, and I need to start packing."

Suddenly, Sora turned to Riku, looking quite troubled by something. "Hey, Riku?"

"What?"

"Why are you holding a dead bird?"

* * *

That night, Mary Sue skipped into her new bedroom. Of course, she didn't have to furnish anything. She did that in the previous chapter, remember? Her room was just as pink and sparkly as you'd expect it to be. Her walls were covered with boy band posters (Namely the Jonas Brothers and Justin Bieber) and pictures of people who were just as sparkly and perfect as she was. Her bed sheets were…interestingly enough, Linkin Park.

So, instead of packing, because she could do that in four seconds, she sat on her bed, eating the five-star meal she had prepared herself. She was about to pick up her fork when she noticed a rather ominous storm hanging over he little island out her window. And these days, plots don't come to you.

"TO THE LITTLE ISLAND!"

* * *

**A/N:** This chapter is shorter than I would've liked, but the next one will be longer, I promise you.

Review, please?


	3. The Graceful Assassin

**Miss Mary Sue: Final Mix**

Disclaimer: Guess who owns Kingdom Hearts and any other series I make reference to here? Not me.

**A/N:** I'm so sorry this is so late, high school gets really crazy really fast.

* * *

**Chapter 3- The Graceful Assassin**

I would like you to put yourself in a certain situation for a moment. Pretend you have lived on an island your entire life (and if you already do…just imagine your island). You love your island with all your heart, even though you want to someday leave this island because it's driving you out of your mind, and you hear Traverse Town offers wonderful job opportunities when you're not getting your heart ripped out by your friendly neighborhood Heartless.

Now, imagine if a giant black mass of darkness that may or may not have been unleashed by your best friend because God knows why is destroying your island. Do you:

a) Run like hell.

b) Read the real estate section for deals in Traverse Town.

c) Go down to said black mass despite the fact that you have no weapon/protection/anything but a wooden sword.

d) Start writing out your last will.

If you picked a, b, or d, it's because you're not Sora and therefore, you have common sense. And it was because Sora had no common sense that made him the perfect protagonist for a Disney-Square Enix crossover game.

And this utterly enraged Mary Sue. Sora wasn't the only one allowed to not have common sense in this fandom, you know.

So, she did the only natural response to a gigantic darkness storm destroying everything you hold near and dear and flew straight towards it, screaming something about being for the sake of the plot. The winds that would've tossed most people around like a rag doll seemed to have no affect on Mary Sue as she flew straight towards the island, things getting more and more ominous as she grew closer. As if the dark, purple skies, the lightning, the thunder, and the giant mass of darkness destroying everything weren't bad enough, small, black creatures with large, glowing, yellow eyes and antennae began to form up out of the ground as soon as she gracefully landed on the beach.

This is where most of you would start running, screaming about Shadow Heartless.

Mary Sue, however, flipped her hair as if it were nothing. Suddenly, Mary Sue summoned not one, not two, but three Keyblades. Where was the third one, you may ask? In her mouth. Like the guy from _One Piece_. With Mary Sues, Copyright laws are relative.

"Mretar two hie!" said Mary Sue with her mouth full of Keyblade. For those who don't speak muffle, it probably meant, "Prepare to die!"

And about two seconds of mindless violence later, the poor Heartless (whom I'm sure most people were cheering for) were no more.

Her Keyblades disappeared as Mary Sue flashed a perfect smile. "And that's how it's done!"

At that moment, Sora came running over, his own Keyblade in his hand. His eyes looked frantic, as if his love interest had just been spirited away by the darkness or something ridiculous like that. Not to mention the fact that he looked horribly confused and devastated by the fact that his home was being destroyed.

"Mary Sue!" he cried. "What's going on?"

"I believe," Mary Sue explained, rather matter-of-factly, "That the plot's finally here, and the islands are being destroyed."

"The islands are being destroyed?"

"…What did I _just_ say?"

"Well, then don't just stand there!" Sora cried. "We have to do something!"

As if on cue, the gigantic dark mass that hovered over the island decided to be a sadist. A giant pool of darkness appeared on the ground several feet away from our heroes, and it was swirling with…things you find in darkness. Before Sora even had time to point out the obvious, something seemed to be forming out of it. A blob that soon rose to be at least fifty feet high came out of the pool, its glowing yellow eyes seeming hauntingly familiar. It had a giant, heart-shaped hole in its torso.

Sora's jaw dropped. Mary Sue rolled her eyes.

This gigantic darkness monster, whom we all know as Darkside, let out some sort of cry that was either highly annoying or highly frightening as it slammed its fist into the ground. Sora jumped at least seven feet backwards, expecting to be smashed by Darkside's arm. But Darkside wasn't aiming for him at all. Instead, another pool of darkness formed around its arm, and Shadow Heartless began forming out of it.

Mary Sue and Sora summoned their respective Keyblades. As the duo attempted to fight off the Heartless, one jumped on to Mary Sue. It grabbed inside her chest and pulled out her heart.

But much to Sora's amazement and everyone else's dismay, Mary Sue was still alive.

"Isn't that your heart?" Sora cried, whacking another Shadow with his Keyblade.

"Yes! Oh fluffy unicorns, he stole one of my four hearts!" Mary Sue looked genuinely mad now, defeating at least ten Shadows with a swipe of two of her Keyblades (she'd lost the one in her mouth when the Heartless jumped on her). "Sorry for the language, Sora."

"You have…four hearts?" Sora asked slowly.

"Yes, don't we all?" Mary Sue asked, casually defeating the last of the Shadows as if they were nothing.

"No, but we have bigger problems!" Sora cried, pointing to Darkside, who looked pissed that his Shadow buddies had met their demise.

"Oh, him?" Mary Sue wrinkled her nose. "You're making a big deal of things. Here, watch this."

With that, Mary Sue snapped her fingers. Suddenly, dramatic Latin music began to play out of nowhere as the sky turned red. A gigantic meteor suddenly appeared and hurdled straight for Darkside, who was too stupid to move out of the way of a gigantic, flaming rock. The meteor slammed into it, causing it to fade into darkness.

"How'd you do that?" Sora asked with amazement.

"It's simple, really, with these things called 'materia'-"

Unfortunately for our heroes, the dark orb was not about to be forgotten. The little bundle of joy got bigger and more massive, and apparently stronger, as well, because it sucked Sora in, screaming and all. Mary Sue, however, was not, because her one wing suspended her in the air, and she was stronger than the forces of nature.

Of course she could've just grabbed Sora, but that would have given him his main character status back. And we couldn't have that.

"Well, this is dandy!" Mary Sue smiled brightly as things were destroyed around her.

It was at that moment when a flying Heartless, that weren't scheduled to appear until at least Neverland, appeared and slammed itself into Mary Sue, stealing all three of her remaining hearts.

"Holy pumpernickel!" was all she had time to scream before she felt herself fade in darkness.

* * *

I would love to tell you that Mary Sue died right then and there. But that would make me a gigantic, flaming liar. When a person of strong heart and mind loses their hearts- or hearts, in this case - they become a Nobody. And I'll give you three guesses as to what happened to Mary Sue, and the first two don't count.

Mary Sue felt herself lying on her stomach before she opened her eyes. When she did open them, she couldn't tell if this place or the destroyed islands were more depressing. The sky was dark and cloudy, and there were puddles around, which meant that it had rained recently. She saw dark blue skyscrapers, but no people, which meant that they must've been empty.

The sparkly teenager stood up, brushing herself off. Naturally, her clothes and hair weren't messed up at all, despite all that had happened in the last hour or so. You could take a flamethrower, a chainsaw, Chuck Norris, and a deranged axe murder to her clothes and nothing would happen, not even a tear. The only time something actually happened to them was when they got wet. Then, they became transparent.

I apologize for scarring you all with that mental image.

Moving on, Mary Sue looked basically the same as she did as a human- she was still drop-dead gorgeous. The only difference now was that her hair was a quarter of a centimeter shorter, which upset her greatly. She grabbed one of her locks of hair, and looked up at the sky, shaking her fist angrily.

"DAMN YOU, DARKNESS! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR…IT'S SO SHORT NOW!"

Because sparking teenage girls damning things in the middle of the street was bound to attract _someone_, Mary Sue spotted someone in a black coat walking towards her. He was well-built, and maybe in his mid-twenties. He had shoulder-length, wavy pink hair.

Regardless of the fact that she didn't have any hearts to speak of and she knew almost nothing about this man, Mary Sue was in love with him already. She instantly forgot about Riku and anyone else she had ever fallen for- this was twu wuv.

"What," the stranger inquired, "are you doing, screaming in the middle of the street like that?"

"I love you," Mary Sue said dreamily.

"_Excuse me?"_

"I mean," Mary Sue said quickly, "I was, you know…WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"

The man blinked. "I am Marluxia, Number XI in Organization XIII. The Graceful Assassin."

"Oh, that's a pretty name!" Mary Sue swooned. "My name is Mary Sunlight Ramen Dawn Moonbeam Starlight Shimmer Heaven Earth Coffee Starbucks Hamster Gym Socks Cloud Gumdrop Materia Christmas Turtle Soup Daisy Miso Neko Kawaii Amazing Gorgeous Loch Ness Candy Rainbow Apple Cloud Rain Snow Hail Sleet Strife Heart Lily Athena Ocean Star January February March April May June July August September October November December Antidisestablishmentarianism Sue!"

Marluxia blinked. "May I call you 'Mary'?"

"No, you can call me 'Mary Sue', silly!" Mary Sue smiled brightly.

"Go home, Mary Sue," Marluxia said distastefully, "You don't belong here."

"Of course I do!" Mary Sue giggled like a schoolgirl. "I'm a Nobody, just like you!"

Typically, most humans are not aware of the existence of Nobodies. Not at this point in the series, at least. Most people were only aware of black, crawly things that would rip your heart out if you weren't careful. So the fact that this girl knew that Nobodies existed (or nonexisted, in their case) set of red bells in Marluxia's head. What was even more disturbing was the fact that she knew he was a Nobody without him even saying so…unless she knew of the Organization. Which was bad.

"How do you- how did you know I am a Nobody?"

"I used my SUPAH AMAZIN POWAHS!" the only party present who would say something like that smiled broadly. "I have x-ray vision, you know. Oh, and you had soup for lunch."

Marluxia was rendered speechless.

"AREN'T I AMAZING?" Mary Sue smiled happily.

The Graceful Assassin didn't respond to that. Actually, he wasn't really sure what to make of this girl, other than the fact that he felt his IQ lowering by the minute. He was creeped out, to say the least. She was staring at him like she was madly in love with him (which she was), and she apparently knew what he had eaten for lunch. Now, that was just plain disturbing. He expected this kind of girl would be something Axel would drag home after a mission, but not himself.

"But that isn't important," Mary Sue continued, waving her hand dismissively. "You should get to know me. Everyone should get to know me. Do you want to hear my life's story?"

Normally, Marluxia would've said no, but he remembered that it was his turn to do the dishes when he returned to the castle. And that meant doing twelve sets of dishes for people whom you didn't necessarily like, which was about as fun as getting root canal with Hannah Montana. The longer he could put it off, the better. And how bad could one stupid little story be?

Oh, he had no idea what he had brought upon himself.

"Well, it all started when I was born…"

* * *

**A/N:** Only reason she's not in love with Axel? So this is less clichéd.

Review, please?


	4. It's a Wonderful Life

**Miss Mary Sue: Final Mix**

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything but Mary Sue.

* * *

**Chapter 4- It's a Wonderful Life**

Hearing the entire life story of some random girl you had just met is not something that happens every day, and not something Marluxia ever intended to allow to happen. But you see, when it's either that or doing the dirty dishes of eleven other non-existent people who had about as many table manners as there were decent Hannah Montana songs.

"I was back when there were still dinosaurs roaming the earth," Mary Sue began, "but due to this horrible freak accident that I'd rather not get into, I'll remain physically fourteen forever. But that's not important. Anyways, my parents were horribly abusive, and then they were both hit by a train and died. I was sad for a full five seconds!"

"Wait, wait, wait," Marluxia interrupted, "How in the name of Kingdom Hearts were there trains back in the dinosaur days?"

"Does it matter?" Mary Sue snapped, but then innocently giggled and flipped her thrainbow hair as Marluxia rolled his eyes. "As I was saying, I then had to live on my own, in this cardboard box under a freeway. It was horrible! Did you know cardboard boxes don't even get Wi-fi?"

"…It would shock me if they did."

"So then, I was adopted by Sephiroth and Aerith Gainsborough."

If Number XI had a drink, this is where he'd be spitting it out all over our favorite rainbow-haired protagonist.

"_Sephiroth and Aerith Gainsborough?"_

"Yes, silly! Y'know, Sephiroth The guy who flings meteors around and flings meteors at people? And yes, Aerith," Mary Sue replied causally, "it's not like he impaled her through the chest Higurashi-style with his huge sword or anything. This game _is_ half Disney, after all."

"Excuse me?" Marluxia raised an eyebrow.

"…Nevermind," Mary Sue sighed. "Anyways, Septhy taught me to fight and fling meteors around. He even loaned me his Latin choir that follows him around and sings about his one wing! But then he had to go away to deal with this emo guy named Cloud. So I had to go live with Kairi and her family. Oh, yeah, and I have a little brother, and he's emo, but that's not important."

The Graceful Assassin rolled his eyes. Did he believe any of this? No. But it was killing time that could be spent washing dishes, which he appreciated. And hey, if he had the heart to enjoy it with, this story would be a cross between amusing and disturbing.

"About nine years ago," Mary Sue continued, her eyes changing to cerulean blue orbs…wait, no, I'm rephrasing that. No one has cerulean orbs in their eye sockets, and I don't care how sparkly or Edward Cullen-like you are. Her eyes changed to blue to show her apparent sudden change in emotion. "The Radiant Garden was destroyed! I fought so valiantly to save my home, but as fate would have it, I chipped a nail and passed out. When I woke up, everything was in ruins! Tearfully, I left to wander the worlds, and in doing this, I did some soul-searching. Turns out I'm an angel who fell from heaven, which is why I have one wing."

"…Wait, how could you be an angel that fell from heaven?" Marluxia asked. "Can't they just fly back up?"

"I was too young for that!" Mary Sue explained, as if angel puberty was common sense. "I can also control fire, but for some reason, I get much stronger when there's a comet around."

"Now _that_ just makes no sense," Marluxia said pointedly. "Comets are made of ice and rock, and they're in space, where there's no oxygen. How in the worlds would that help someone with fire powers?"

"It just does!" our Edward Cullen-like (that is an adjective now, and it is not a good thing) protagonist sighed impatiently. "_Anyway._ In one world I came to, they hailed me as their leader. It was a ninja world, you see. But they really weren't effective ninjas…this one really annoying kid wore a bright orange jumpsuit. Who wears that on a stealth mission in an attempt to blend in with the forest?"

"Obviously, not one concerned with being stealthy," Number XI commented.

Mary Sue giggled a tad flirtatiously. "Oh, Marly, you're so funny!"

"_Marly?"_

"Yes, it's my new nickname for you, silly boy," Mary Sue giggled again as Marluxia felt his patience wearing thinner by the second. The dishes were starting to look like a good option as opposed to dealing with someone who wasn't wearing much more than a miniskirt and a sports bra. "Moving on. In the village that accepted me as their leader, I was called the Unicornkage. The village was the Village Hidden in the Sparkles, or Sparklegakure. Oh, yeah, did I mention I'm part Uchiha, so I can use both Sharingan AND Byakugan?"

"No, and I don't really-"

"WELL, NOW YOU KNOW," Mary Sue interrupted, smiling like Shion Sonozaki in the middle of a mental breakdown. "But then, Sparkegakure was invaded by Angstgakure, and destroyed! I fought so hard to defend it, and got a strange sense of déjà vu in the process. But during the fight, I found out I can wield _three_ Keyblades!"

"Three?" Number XI repeated, blinking.

"Yes, three!" Mary Sue replied. "So, then, I ended up at the Destiny Islands, was reunited with my sister and her friends, and then we were going to go to other worlds. But then the islands were destroyed, I lost my four hearts, and now I'm here and we're going to get mar- I mean, the end."

"We're going to get what? And what was that about four hearts?"

"Nothing, dear!" Mary Sue said quickly, smiling. "And I'm part Time Lord, so I have multiple hearts. Technically, Time Lords only have two, but I'm just awesome enough to have four."

Marluxia sighed. "Well, you managed to kill some time, and now I've probably avoided dish duty. I need to go back to the Organization now."

"What Organization?" Mary Sue asked.

"None of your concern." Number XI replied, turning to leave.

"Can I join?"

"Absolutely not."

"Please?"

"No."

"Sil vous plait?"

"It doesn't matter what language you say it in!" Marluxia said angrily (as angry as he could be for someone who lacked a heart), walking away. "That doesn't change the fact that you simply can't join the Organization! Superior imposed a no sparkling rule last Thursday."

Not about to let the love of her non-existent life just walk away over some stupid non-sparkling rule, Mary Sue huffed. Why wouldn't an Organization of ten young men and one permanently PMSing female want her? She was smart, extremely gorgeous, could fight, had three Keyblades, dressed provocatively, and…did I mention that she had Edward Cullen-like beauty? Seriously, the girl sparkled. You don't see Xaldin doing that.

So, she did the most logical thing anyone with rainbow hair and one wing would do: she flung herself at Marluxia and sat on his chest once she had successfully tackled him to the ground.

"I'll let you up if you let me join."

Marluxia felt forced to comply. It wasn't like the Superior would let her _join_, anyway.

* * *

If you've ever asked anyone who's been to the Castle That Never Was to describe what it looks like, their description should be some variation of this:

"It's white. Really, really, white. And sometimes gray."

Yes indeed, Xemnas seemed to have a thing against every color that _wasn't_ some variation of black, white, or gray. The walls were white and gray, the ceiling was white and gray, the floor was white and gray, the stairs were white and gray, the throw rug in the bathroom was…you guessed it, blue. And that was because Demyx had bought it at this one stand in Agrabah and thought it would look cute. Everyone else thought it was stupid.

The Superior's office, however, did not include cute and/or stupid blue throw rugs. It consisted of the same boring color scheme as mentioned previously. Even his chairs and desk were white and gray. The Superior himself sat at said desk, drinking from his white mug that read "WORLD'S BEST SUPERIOR" on it.

Marluxia sat grumpily in a chair in front of the desk with his arms folded, thinking of plots to overthrow Xemnas- I mean, he was thinking of fluffy bunnies. Yes, that's it. Fluffy bunnies are nice. Mary Sue, the only one who thought about fluffy bunnies on a regular basis, was sitting in the chair next to him, smiling brightly despite the overall gloomy mood like she was high.

The Superior, or Xemnas, rather, looked over Mary Sue. He had seen some rather…strange…things in his day, but he didn't recall having ever seen some sparkling teenage girl with one wing sit down in his office and demand to join his organization. Yes, this won for strangest thing he'd seen in quite a while. But as strange as this girl was, she was attractive. Very attractive.

"Number XI," he stated, "I told you to buy some milk. Not only did you fail to retrieve the milk, you brought in an outsider."

"I apologize, Superior," Marluxia grumbled, "she forced me to bring her."

Xemnas paused and nodded briefly, then looked at Mary Sue. "Do you understand the seriousness of this?"

"Uh…no, not really," Mary Sue smiled brightly. "Can I join the Organization?"

"Certainly."

"Thank you, she- wait, _what?"_ The Graceful Assassin cried, practically jumping out of his seat and making an 'OBJECTION!' motion, Phoenix Wright-style. "How could you allow her in the Organization? She is insane!"

"Thank you so much, Mr. Superior Guy!" Mary Sue giggled. "I can wield three Keyblades."

"Number XI, she can wield three Keyblades," Xemnas stated coolly. "She is of vital importance to this organization."

"You didn't know that a minute ago!" Marluxia protested.

"Intuition. But she is of vital importance," Xemnas said dismissively. "Be mindful of the way you address me, Number XI. Now then, girl, what is your name?"

Mary Sue drew a breath. "It's Mary Sunlight Ramen Dawn Moonbeam Starlight Shimmer Heaven Earth Coffee Starbucks Hamster Gym Socks Cloud Gumdrop Materia Christmas Turtle Soup Daisy Miso Neko Kawaii Amazing Gorgeous Loch Ness Candy Rainbow Apple Cloud Rain Snow Hail Sleet Strife Heart Lily Athena Ocean Star January February March April May June July August September October November December Antidisestablishmentarianism Sue. But you can call me Mary Sue!"

Number I felt his eye twitch by the time she had reached the seventh word, as well as his IQ dropping, much as the authoress has felt writing this entire thing. "You shall simply be known as 'Mary Sue' in the Organization. You are now Number XIII, the Perfect Angel."

"Superior, you can't be serious…" Marluxia sighed, clearly quite annoyed. "Please tell me this is a cruel joke."

"Oh, Marly, isn't it great?" Mary Sue smiled broadly, re-attaching herself to the pink-haired Nobody's arm. "We're going to be co-workers!"

"That's exactly what I was trying to avoid, you twit!" Marluxia snapped.

Having her beloved Marly snap at her caused tears to well up in Number XIII's eyes and leak down her checks, splashing on to the obnoxiously white and gray floor that lacked the cute and/or stupid blue throw rug. And unfortunately, making girls cry was one of Marluxia's only weaknesses, the other being Axel's cooking. Whoever told the pyro that it was a good idea to light a piece of bread on fire for five minutes, put a chunk of butter on it, and call it 'toast' was clearly a masochist.

"…Ah…look, I didn't mean to make you cry…" Marluxia said a bit awkwardly when he had noticed that Mary Sue had began to sob. Hearing her unknowing (and unwilling, chances are) lover apologize, Mary Sue's eyes immediately turned gold, and her tears almost instantly dried up.

"Yay, Marly loves me again!" she cried excitedly.

"I didn't mean that- and stop calling me 'Marly'!"

And thus began Mary Sue's days in Organization XIII.

* * *

**A/N:** If you can catch all the references to other series I made in this chapter, you get an internet cookie.

Also, part of the reason my updates are so slow now (aside from high school) are the fact that I'm working on several other fanfics, one of them being on my collab account. It's called "The United States of Hetalia", and please check it out if you're into Hetalia!

Sorry for the shameless advertising. ;;;


	5. Annoyances

**Miss Mary Sue: Final Mix**

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything that's Kingdom Hearts.

* * *

**Chapter 5- Annoyances**

At this point in our story, I should explain some things.

When a Mary Sue insert herself into any given fandom, things are changed. Stories don't make sense anymore, characterization is changed in ways that don't make sense, and it's an all-around major problem for most people. So, that is why something called the "Mary Sue Slayer Force" came to exist.

The Mary Sue Slayer Force, or MSSF, for short, is a secret organization that exists in a world separate from the fandoms. It exists to ensure the safety and order of fictional universes, keeping them free from Sues. Now, mind you, they leave decent OCs alone- it's the bad ones that need to go. However, in cases where the canon itself is Sue-ridden, the universe is left alone altogether as long as they keep their Sue-ness to themselves (ie, _Twilight_).

Walking down the hall of the MSSF headquarters, was a young woman with messy, dark brown hair that was tied into a loose ponytail. She cradled a phone between her shoulder and her ear, and was looking at some official-looking documents. She didn't seem to be in the best of moods, as seen by the rather frustrated look in her dark brown eyes.

"Yeah, we have a major Sue in the Kingdom Hearts fandom. Sensor readings say she's off the chart," the girl was saying, "and infringing major copyright. I'll go down there and take her out right now, enough's enough."

"_Miss Hart,"_ said the man on the other hand, who was presumably her boss. _"You already had a Harry Potter Sue to deal with today, and another Sue in Naruto tomorrow. Don't overwork yourself. You can have her in three days."_

"Three days?" the brunette practically shouted into the phone. "God knows what she can do in three-"

"_Katelyn. Three days."_

"Kate," she corrected, slightly irritated.

"_Katelyn, Kate, same difference. You can have this one in three days, I promise."_

Kate knew that continuing this argument was pointless, so she sighed and grumbled, "Yes, sir."

"_Good."_ Her boss hung up, and Kate pocketed her phone. She took a seat on a chair in the white hallway, crossing her legs and looking over the papers she was holding again. They were swarming with numbers and a few graphs, with circles and arrows and a few things that Kate herself had gone and highlighted.

"Three days," she mumbled under her breath, feeling her temper begin to seethe. "Three days to let the people of the Kingdom Hearts deal with an A-level Sue like this. What is he thinking? I can overwork myself, doesn't matter…"

She gave a defeated sigh, knowing that no matter how much she complained, it still wasn't going to change the fact that she couldn't show up for another three days.

"Alright, Miss Mary Sue," Kate said, "You have three days before I come and do what I get paid for. And I should stop talking to myself."

* * *

"…so then I said to Serenity Moonshine, 'You can't love Snape! Why go for him, when you can have Draco!' And then she said…are you even listening?"

As you may have guessed, Mary Sue was blissfully unaware of her impending doom at the hands of one currently aggravated Sue Slayer. While Kate was plotting a potentially painful demise for our sparkly heroine, she was clinging to Marluxia's arm and going on about things he couldn't care much less about as they walked down the white-and-gray hallway.

"Frankly, no," he replied. "All I know is that this Serenity Moonshine person is an idiot, much like yourself."

"Marllllllllly!" Mary Sue whined, dragging out his name to be extra annoying. "Stop being mean to me! I'm your fiancée!"

"When did you go and decide that?" Marluxia cried, clearly alarmed. There was no way in hell he was going to marry a sparkly minor with one wing and this seriously creepy smile that made him think she was going to jump him the second he turned around. The only time that could ever be seen as true love is _Twilight_, but as stated before, _Twilight_ is ridden with Sues as it is and therefore doesn't count.

"We're mentally engaged," Mary Sue winked, slightly suggestively. She then batted her eyelashes. "I imagined a nice ring for you."

"Something's mental around here, all right…" Number XI muttered.

Just as Mary Sue opened her mouth to respond, a woman with blonde hair that had two strands sticking up (with resemblance to antennae) came down the stairs and approached them. She wore a black coat, too, which meant she was in the Organization. Number XIII pouted, realizing that she was no longer the only girl. She regarded Marluxia coldly, but that wasn't much of a shock, because she regarded everyone coldly.

"Marluxia," she said, "Axel and I need you for battle practice…who's your friend?"

"Hello, Larxene," The Graceful Assassin forced a smile. "This is my stalker, Mary Sue."

"I'm not a stalker, I'm your fiancée!" Mary Sue corrected. "There's a difference."

"Fiancée?" Larxene grinned like she had just scored major blackmail. "Oh, I always knew you would end up with a little kid."

"SHE IS NOT MY FIANCÉE!" Marluxia yelled, slamming his fist into the obnoxiously white-and-gray wall. "She's not even my friend! I don't even like her! I don't have a heart! And even if I did, I still wouldn't like her!"

Larxene rolled her eyes. "Take it easy. Save that for kicking the crap out of Axel. He needs it."

Number XI drew in a deep breath, calming himself down. "What did he do now?"

"He put fluff in my bra again," Number XII growled as Marluxia could swear he saw an unnatural hellfire ignite in her eyes. Last time Demyx had been dared to do that, no one saw him for a month. Rumor had it that he had kunai in places that never should have kunai in them. Demyx had no comment on said rumor. "He had better have his will written out."

Mary Sue was completely uninterested in this line of conversation. After all, it a) wasn't about her and b) wasn't about her. But most importantly, it wasn't about her. And if it wasn't about her, it wasn't worth talking about, because she was all that mattered in the history of ever. But she was also mildly concerned with the fact that her womanly (or Mary Sue-ly, rather) charms had yet to work on Marluxia. And usually, even the most stubborn of men would fall for her within a day or two. Had she been losing her touch? That was a disturbing thought. Maybe Rose Sunshine wasn't just being ridiculous when she suggested that they sign up for "How to Pick up Hot Pink Haired Men 101" at Mary Sue's School for Magic People.

* * *

After about fifteen minutes of whining and trying to talk a certain pink-haired Nobody out of it, Mary Sue found herself sitting grumpily in the battle practice room with her arms folded, pouting (and trying to draw some sort of reaction out of Marluxia) and sighing melodramatically every time someone did so much as give her a passing glance.

The battle practice room was pretty much just a large room, with lots of space to throw people around and perhaps cause lasting damage. If you weren't already aware of Xemnas' favorite color scheme, the room was very much white-and-gray, though Demyx had recently started asking if he could get a nice area rug for the room, maybe to hide the occasional bloodstain (or other body fluid stain) on the nice, white floor.

Standing in the center of the room was a man with red hair so spiky and gravity-defying that it put the cast of _Dragon Ball Z_ to shame. His waistline was notably rather small, but his green eyes had this mischievous glint in them that made you wonder what kind of dirty thoughts this man had on a regular basis.

"'Sup, Marly?" he grinned.

"Shut up, you imbecile," Marluxia said irritably, not enjoying the name.

"_You_ shut up, Marfluffia."

It should be noted that Marluxia liked that name even less.

"BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP!" Larxene shouted. Not wanting to deal with the fury of the permanently PMS-ing woman, both men stopped arguing.

"Marfluffia…" Mary Sue giggled quietly.

"I don't need you!" Number XI hissed, shooting a death glare at the Perfect Angel.

"So, that's the new Number XIII, huh?" the redhead asked, folding his arms and grinning. "Well, I'm Axel. Didn't know the Superior liked 'em sparkly."

Mary Sue smiled and waved at Axel, drawing in a breath to introduce herself. "I'm Mary Sunlight Ramen Dawn Moonbeam…"

"Her name is Mary Sue," Marluxia interrupted, before she could get any farther.

Axel shrugged. "Whatever."

Larxene felt her eye twitch, getting rather impatient. She wanted to hurt someone, dammit. Namely, a certain redhead. Sitting around and chatting was not something she wanted to do. So, she took matters into her own hands and abruptly switched the topic.

"We're having battle practice," she announced, pacing the room until she was at Axel's side. She placed her arm on his shoulder and summoned her kunai, wielding them between her fingers. She put them at Axel's neck. And Axel was man enough to not make a look that said, "Guys, I'm so screwed, I think I just crapped myself." He just stood there and tried to look brave in the face of a PMS-related death.

"I'll be facing off against this idiot. Marluxia, you can have her," Larxene said, motioning to Number XIII as she pressed the knives a little closer to Axel's neck.

Marluxia grinned evilly. This is exactly the opportunity he had been waiting for since he had first found Mary Sue in that alleyway- beat her up and not get in trouble with his boss for it. "That sounds fine."

However, luck hated him that day.

"No!" Mary Sue cried suddenly, hoping up from where she had parked herself on the floor. "I'm not fighting my fiancé! I'll hurt him!"

"I'd like to see you try," Number XI snorted.

"No, I'm serious," The Perfect Angel said blankly. "I can hurl meteors at you, and can Heartless Angel. It's a trick Sephy taught me."

Larxene smirked evilly. At first, she wanted to be the one who had the honor of beating the daylights out of Axel, but now she had a better idea. Mary Sue could apparently do it so much better, and when she was done with Axel, Larxene herself would step in and finish things off. It was perfect.

She lifted her arm off of Axel, and her kunai disappeared. The taller man breathed out a breath of relief; he was going to live to see tomorrow. Or so he thought, until he noticed her "You are so screwed because I have an evil plan" smirk.

"Is that so?" Larxene still had that sadistic grin spread across her face. "You can fight Axel, then."

Number XIII felt the color drain from his face, giving a nervous laugh. "Larxy? You're kidding, right? She _just_ said she could hurl meteors."

"That's what you get for putting fluff in my bra!" Larxene said in a singsong tone.

"It was Demyx!" Axel protested.

"Like he would do that after _last time_."

Axel grumbled, but then regained his normal, somewhat cocky grin. Like hell he was going to let some rainbow excuse for a teenage girl beat him in a fight. Now it was matter of pride, and sticking it to Larxene. Plus, there was no way she could hurl meteors. She was just bluffing or something. Besides, he had _fire._

"Fine, I'll do it," Axel said, "and when I win, Larxy, I'll be the one laughing."

"My name is _Larxene_," Number XII said dangerously, summoning her knives again and holding them closely to Axel's neck. "I suggest you _get it memorized."_

In the midst of this, Mary Sue skipped over, smilingly pleasantly. She actually seemed fairly harmless. There was even a bunny that had seemingly popped out of nowhere cuddling with her foot. Wait a second…since when had there been bunnies in the World That Never Was?

"If you two are done releasing sexual tension," she smiled, "I'll fight Axel."

* * *

**A/N:** MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE! This is my little Christmas gift to you guys. The reason this took so long was school, Model UN, and the fact that as mentioned, I'm working on a collab Hetalia fic with my friends on our joint account.

And for those who read the original, Kate's age has been bumped up a little so it makes more sense. And yes, I do ship Larxel, but I'm not really sticking the pairing in here. Interpret it as you will.

See you guys around, and have a great holiday! I'll try and get the next chapter done by the end of my winter break!


	6. One Winged Angel

**Miss Mary Sue: Final Mix**

Disclaimer: If I owned Kingdom Hearts, Zack would have been in the series much sooner. I also don't own any series I made reference to.

**A/N:** GUESS WHO LIVES, YOU GUYS?

* * *

**Chapter 6- One-Winged Angel**

Larxene grinned sadistically and pulled up a lawn chair that seemingly popped up out nowhere. A very white and gray lawn chair, mind you. When furniture randomly pops up out nowhere, you can't be picky about color schemes.

"I hope you get mauled, Axel," Marluxia commented pleasantly from where he had been leaning against the wall.

"Oh _shut up,_ you pink excuse for a man."

"You had better hope she murders you," Marluxia hissed, "Or you'll be waking up tomorrow with thorns in places that shouldn't have them."

Mary Sue put her hands impatiently on her hips, trying to block out the mental image of what her dearest love had just said. Since when had he used such vulgar things? If only she could unsee that…

"Can you two fight while I'm still young?" Larxene seemed just as impatient as Mary Sue, only completely unfazed by Marluxia's disturbing threat.

"Let's just get this over with." Number VIII walked into the arena, summoning his signature charkams. He didn't want to drag this out any longer than it had to be; he didn't intend on spending the afternoon beating up little girls. Not to mention the fact that they were almost out of sea-salt ice cream, so he wanted to run to the store and get some more before it closed. Demyx called it an addiction. Larxene called him a fatass.

"Okay!" Number XIII giggled innocently as her opponent readied himself. "I'll tell you what, I'll even make this a fair fight by one using two Keyblades."

"Since when can she use more than one Keyblade!" Axel demanded, turning to face Larxene and Marluxia. "Those are the kinds of things you're supposed to mention before you face an opponent!"

"Sucks for you~!" Number XII said in her singsong tone.

Axel muttered something under his breath, but he knew he couldn't let this girl beat him, obscene amount of Keyblades or no. This was a matter of pride; manly pride, for the matter. He was far too proud to let this kid beat him. He was the Flurry of Dancing Flames, dammit!

"Alright, Miss Sparkles," Number VIII said, his signature cocky grin once again returning to his face. "Bring it."

"Okay, if you say so!"

Our rainbow-haired protagonist leaped into the air, her one wing keeping her suspended. It didn't take a degree in physics to know that there was no way in Kingdom Hearts that one feathery wing was enough to keep that girl suspended. Given that Keyblades happen to be a bit heavy, there was also no way it could support the two that she had summoned in each hand.

"…There's a thing called 'physics'. Ever heard of it?" The Flurry of Dancing Flames blinked.

"Of course I have, silly. My IQ is one million and seven!" Number XIII giggled casually, as if he had just asked her what the number for 911 was.

Axel felt himself blink again. Wasn't the average IQ around 100? How in the worlds was one million and seven even possible?

Suddenly, Mary Sue began to glow. In a flash of blue light, her hair became pure white, and twice as long, meaning it hit the floor, even when she was suspended several feet in the air. It must have been hell to be her hairdresser. Or brush her hair in the morning. "Super Saiyan level seventeen and three quarters!"

Oh, well, _crap_.

Number VIII had seen Dragon Ball Z before; there was no way he was making it out of out with just a few scratches. But, last time he checked, weren't there only three or four Saiyan levels? That's stronger than Goku! No one's stronger than Goku. Then he reminded himself that she also had two Keyblades and rainbow hair. Logic, as well as copyright laws, were all relative.

Mary Sue took his pondering to her advantage. "Take this! Rasengan!"

"What-"

The only party in the room who would rip off Naruto quickly formed a blue ball of energy in her hand. Before Axel even had time to register what she was doing, she fired the energy ball at him, sending him flying into the wall. The wall suffered from an Axel-shaped imprint in it on impact. The imprint went lovely with the Demyx-shaped one on the other wall from when he thought it would be a good idea to test his strength against Lexaeus.

"You're lucky I didn't use a spirit bomb made of every soul in the universe," Mary Sue noted, lowering herself to the ground as Axel sat up groggily. Pieces of plaster fell out of his hair.

The other female in the room had gotten herself instant lemonade at some point during the fight, and as now casually sipping it as she watched the fight with sadistic pleasure. "This is fun, keep going!"

Marluxia, who had also pulled up a lawn chair, nodded in agreement. Maybe Mary Sue wasn't so bad after all, if she could kick the crap out of Axel like this on a regular basis.

"This isn't fun!" Axel protested, shaking the remaining plaster out of his hair.

"It's fun for me because you're getting mauled. I couldn't care much less how you feel. See how this works?" Larxene raised an eyebrow. "And I'll bet it's fun for Mary-something over there. You wouldn't deny a little girl some fun, would you? You cruel, cruel man."

"I'll be sore for weeks!" Axel said, attempting to sit himself up.

"That's also why it's fun, you imbecile," Number XI added.

"Marly, darling, would you like me to continue beating him?" Mary Sue asked, eager to please her unwilling fiancé. He seemed to be enjoying himself, and maybe now, he'd hug her!

Number VIII's eyes widened in quiet horror as a Larxene-esque sadistic grin spread across Marluxia's features. "Go right ahead."

"…I freaking _hate you."_

"The feeling's entirely mutual."

Axel opened his mouth to respond when he was abruptly cut off by Mary Sue charging full-force at him, using another rip-off of a Naruto attack; only this time, it was chidori. This time, she was smart enough not to call out the name of her attack before she used it, so Axel wouldn't know what - or when - to block.

The chidori collided with Axel at full force, this time blasting him completely through the wall.

"Gah!"

* * *

I'd like to take a break from the Axel abuse at this point to catch up with what Kate was doing. After all, there's only so much Mary Sue that one's mind can handle. The Sue slayer was at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, hiding behind a wall, and wielding a stick of garlic. You see, garlic does wonders when slaying Sues, especially if they're one-sixty-fourth vampire. Unfortunately, however, Twilight had screwed up the whole garlic deal with, "You can't kill me unless you CUT ME UP TO PIECES AND BURN ME!1111" idea.

Kate wasn't dressed in her usual black leather jacket; that was at the cleaner's. She was wearing a pair of faded jeans, a purple sweatshirt, and matching sneakers. Purple wasn't her favorite color, but hey, it was the first thing she pulled out of her closet that morning.

She peered down the hallway, looking for a particular student. Now, normally, that was like looking for a needle in a haystack, but this particular student was impossible to miss. Generally, most Sues are. She had dark, forest green hair that went to her ankles, which made the idea of trying to wash and condition that thing sound like torture. As if that wasn't odd enough, she also sported a pair of car ears and a tail. Kate never quite understood what the appeal of being part cat demon was in a fandom where no one happened to be a demon of any sort, or have random animal appendages where random animal appendages don't belong. As you may have guessed, her eyes happened to be more rainbow than Elton John.

Judging from the most recent file in the Sue's case file, she had become a Gryffindor student, and she was wearing the typical girl's uniform, with some "slight" Sue adjustments. And by slight adjustments, I mean the skirt hardly went past her underwear, and she wore fishnet leggings.

How that got past the dress code, Kate would never know.

Her name, as you may have been wondering, was Serenity Moonshine Riddle, which was odd, considering most Sues had at least ten nouns and/or adjectives in their names; usually nouns and/or adjectives that shouldn't be names to begin with. But she made up for it in that she was Tom Riddle's long-lost twin sister, and she was the true heir of Slytherin. Which brought up the question as to why she'd be a Gryffindor if she was the heir of Slytherin to begin with.

At that moment, the Sue in question came walking…er, floating, down the hall. Yes, floating. Her combat boot-clad feet didn't even touch the ground below her; it wasn't nearly perfect enough to be graced with having her walk all over it. A crowd of at least twenty boys mindlessly followed after her, one of them being the famed Draco Malfoy, a frequent Sue target.

"She's so hot!" he called out mindlessly, as he wiped the blood from his nose. He had recently suffered a massive Sue-related nosebleed that had coast him at least two pints of blood.

Kate almost threw up. Unwilling to take anymore of this, she ran out from her hiding place, drawing her gun and badge.

"Freeze, Serenity Moonshine Riddle! I'm officer Katelyn Hart of the Mary Sue Slayer Force!" Kate commanded, in her favorite 'you're under arrest' voice. It had taken her several months to get that down. "You're under arrest for making canon characters go out of character and disturbing the peace of this fandom."

The boys in the crowd dispersed and ran off.

"It's not my fault I'm perfect! It's a curse!" Serenity Moonshine Riddle cried, trying to make herself seem as innocent and defenseless as possible. Her eyes sparkled om the most pseudo-innocent way possible. "Do you know how hard it is finding H-cup bras?"

"…Not really, no," Kate blinked.

"It's horrible! And then the sales people are so mean to me because I'm perfect!" Serenity Moonshine Riddle wailed, a comic waterfall of tears exploding from her eyes and forming puddles on the floor. Kate, however, kept her guard up and her gun drawn. Unfortunately, in her haste to arrest the Sue, she had left her garlic behind the wall.

While Kate seemed momentarily distracted, Serenity Moonshine Riddle's expressed changed into an evil smirk. She quickly shot a ball of fire at the Sue slayer, who quickly dodge-rolled out of the way. The ball of fire instead his Draco Malfoy, who was too intoxicated by the Sue to move.

"She's still hot!" he cried as he passed out from the impact.

"Well, that wasn't very nice at all," Kate commented, glancing over her shoulder to make sure Draco was alright. She fired her gun at the Sue, and for once, didn't miss, probably because she was relatively close. Kate was notoriously bad with guns, having a horrid shot. That was why she normally carried things such as garlic around with her to slay Sues. Very rarely did she like relying on her gun. Kate's gun was a standard model used by all the members of the MSSF, which only killed Mary Sues. To a regular character, or decent OCs, the weapon would have no affect.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT, YOU LITTLE DEMON!" Serenity Moonshine Riddle screamed and exploded into golden dust.

"Lucky shot," Kate muttered, and stuck the gun back on her belt. At that moment, her cell phone went off. She took the phone out of her pocket and checked the ID. It was Matt, or Matthew Stone, her friend from the MSSF. He didn't usually go around slaying Sues like Kate did; he worked at the tech department, and he knew more about computers than Kate ever wanted…nor needed…to know. Although he was a little older than her, he was small for his age.

"Hey, what's up?" Kate said, putting the phone up to her ear.

"_Kate, have you seen the Kingdom Hearts Sue lately?" _Matt said on the other end.

"No, why?" The Sue slayer already dreaded what his answer was going to be.

"_Um…she's beating up that Axel guy. Oh, and she can use Heartless Angel, apparently."_

If Kate still had her coffee from this morning, this is where she would be spitting it out. All over Draco Malfoy's unconscious body. "What?"

"_Yeah, it's pretty bad…oh, wait…no…yeah…no…oh, there, she stopped."_

"Is Axel alright?" Kate demanded, knowing full well what Heartless Angel was capable of.

"…_Uh…let's just say I wouldn't want to be him right now." _She could hear the concern bleeding through Matt's voice.

Kate felt herself clenching her fists in frustration. "That Sue needs to die," she said thorough gritted teeth. "_Now_."

"_You can't deal with her for another three days, remember?"_

She let out a frustrated sigh. Matt was right; and she couldn't just ask someone else to take care of the Sue. She had been assigned to take care of her, and she couldn't just mess that up. Not to mention that there had been a recent influx of Sues throughout the fandoms, so the slayers were spread thin as it was.

"I know," she said at last. "I'm going to go. Draco Malfoy has case of Lovesick Canon Syndrome. Do you think you can get someone with the injection here?"

"_Sure thing. Later."_

"Thanks, bye." Kate sighed again and pocketed her phone, glancing at Malfoy again.

Sometimes, she wished she had gone freelance.

* * *

"Do you think I beat him too much?"

"No, this is fine."

Larxene looked at Axel, who was lying on the ground. His arm was bent at an awkward angle, he was bruised, and he was unconscious. The hole in the wall was still there, and there was pieces of it all over the nice, white floor. Xaldin was going to have fun cleaning that up later. There were also red spots all over it. No, it wasn't blood- Marluxia had been grilling hamburgers during the fight, and Larxene had gotten ketchup on the floor.

"Oh, I'll heal him, because I'm so _loving_ and _generous_," Mary Sue said, placing extra emphasis on some of the words so Marluxia would take note of just how modest she was. She snapped her fingers, and within seconds, Axel's wounds were gone, the wall was fixed, and Larxene's burger now had the cheese she wanted.

Number VIII's eyes blinked open, and he blearily sat up. "What happened…? I feel like I've been hit by a freight train."

"You just got your ass handed to you by Mary Sue," The Savage Nymph commented pleasantly, going to see of Marluxia had any barbecue sauce.

Number XI sighed. "You shouldn't have healed him."

Almost immediately, the Perfect Angel attached herself to his arm, which was becoming completely habitual every time he opened his mouth. Grudgingly, the pink-haired Nobody had gotten used to this.

"Did I do well?" she demanded eagerly.

"Yes."

"Do you love me?" she asked hopefully.

"No," came the deadpan reply.

"…Do you like me?"

"No."

Mary Sue sighed. Marluxia was still playing hard to get.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry for taking almost three months with this, guys! I've hardly had time to do anything, life's been busy!


	7. Kelly Starshine

**Miss Mary Sue: Final Mix**

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything besides my SUPAH KAWAII DESU DESU OC, Mary Sue. Oh, and Kate.

**A/N:** UH, SO. School is ending for me, but I still have finals to worry about. So, before I go and cry over chemistry, I decided to (finally) update this. I've been busy, sorry!

Also- if you've read the Rise of Gary Stu, a certain someone gets a cameo in this chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 7- Kelly Starshine**

In a quaint corner of the World That Never Was, in a section that was moderately less blue and depressing than the rest of the city, sat an old, decrepit church. This church was called The Church That Shall Never Be. Now, The Church That Shall Never Be was- you guessed it- an old, wooden building with a large hole in the roof that in no way ripped off Final Fantasy VII. No one actually knew it was there until Mary Sue had found it when picking out wedding locations and realized there actually wasn't any- because, you know, Nobodies don't actually get married, no matter what the fanfics tell you.

The Church That Shall Never Be was decorated quite beautifully for the occasion. The hole in the roof was still there, which was a bit of a pain when it rained, but Mary Sue had cast a "Rain, Rain, Go Away" spell to make sure that wouldn't happen. The once boring wooden and water stained pews were now covered in white lace and bright red roses, and down the aisle was a red, satin carpet. All of the people sitting at the lavishly decorated pews were dressed in their best clothing; meaning the Organization, Mary Sue's closest friends (meaning all 789 of them), and angsty little brother (who had somehow been forced into a suit against his will).

"I hate my life," he complained miserably.

"Save it for LiveJournal, kid." Larxene rolled her eyes- she had actually worn a yellow dress for the occasion.

"MY LOVEJOURNAL IS DECOATED IN _SKULLS_ BECAUSE THAT'S HOW BADAS-"

Suddenly, organ music typical of the occasion began playing. No one knew how Mary Sue had managed to get an organist for the occasion- apparently, from some place called . All of the guests stood, even our hero's overly-whiny little brother. Marluxia was already waiting at the alter, a red rose on the lapel of his white tuxedo jacket (Kingdom Hearts forbid he wears black on the best day of his life)- the best in his garden.

The church doors opened, and there stood Mary Sue. Since her parents were long dead and her brother refused to touch anything so happy, she was being walked down the aisle by her best friend, Kelly Starshine. The Perfect Angel was dressed in a wedding dress that must have cost an arm and a leg (as well as loads of munny). It looked like something straight out of your standard Disney movie, even if this game was half-Disney. It was white and poofy, and sparkled whenever she took a step. It was sleeveless, and she held a bouquet of rainbow roses. Her equally (if not moreso) rainbow hair was tied neatly and tightly into a bun, with even more roses in it.

"You're so, like, lucky!" Kelly Starshine whispered to Mary Sue, giggling as they finally reached the alter.

"I know!" Mary Sue smiled as they stopped, and Kelly Starshine ran to her seat to take loads of pictures for Facebook.

The priest, who looked especially pleased to be there, looked at the lovely couple and smiled.

"Do you, Mary Sunlight Ramen Dawn Moonbeam Starlight Shimmer Heaven Earth Coffee Starbucks Hamster Gym Socks Cloud Gumdrop Materia Christmas Turtle Soup Daisy Miso Neko Kawaii Amazing Gorgeous Loch Ness Candy Rainbow Apple Cloud Rain Snow Hail Sleet Strife Heart Lily Athena Ocean Star January February March April May June July August September October November December Antidisestablishmentarianism Sue, take this man, Marluxia, to be your lawfully wedded husband? Through sickness and through health?"

"I do." Mary Sue smiled, unable to take her eyes off Marluxia. 789 members of the audience sighed dreamily.

The priest was still smiling. Oh, he loved his job. "And do you, Marluxia, take this woman, Mary Sunlight Ramen Dawn Moonbeam Starlight Shimmer Heaven Earth Coffee Starbucks Hamster Gym Socks Cloud Gumdrop Materia Christmas Turtle Soup Daisy Miso Neko Kawaii Amazing Gorgeous Loch Ness Candy Rainbow Apple Cloud Rain Snow Hail Sleet Strife Heart Lily Athena Ocean Star January February March April May June July August September October November December Antidisestablishmentarianism Sue, to be your lawfully wedded wife? Through sickness and in health?"

"I do." Marluxia was smiling as well. Oh, this day would be amazing (though the honeymoon in Port Royal was going to be even more amazing). Absolutely nothing could go wrong. No, not even Axel destroying his perfectly manicured garden could ruin this day.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the-"

* * *

Mary Sue awoke with a start. She was back in her bed (which was located on a cloud), dressed on her obnoxiously short pink nightgown, and somehow not on her honeymoon in Port Royal. Her bed on a cloud was connected to the other parts of her room (which were also located on clouds) by various rainbow bridges. The familiar pink and sparkly space was laid out in front of her, and her unicorn and rainbow bedspread was still there.

"What a wonderful dream," she sighed dreamily, "Only I wish I didn't wake up before the best part. But no matter! When it actually happens, I won't wake up before the best part!"

Suddenly, her cellphone started to ring. _"NYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYAN-"_

She picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"_Mary Sue! It's like, me! Kelly Starshine Uzumaki!" _said the voice on the other end- the very same Kelly Starshine from her dream. Yes, Mary Sues have best friends that are also Sues. They tend to stick together, since no one will put up with them.

"Ohmigosh! Kelly!" Number XIII squealed excitedly. "How's the Naruto universe?"

Kelly sighed into the other end, rather over-dramatically. Then again, everything with Sues tends to be over-dramatic. _"Not so good. Remember that guy I told you about, Itachi? He doesn't even remember our engagement! And this plant guy has been looking at me kinda funny."_

"I can relate." Mary Sue twirled a strand of her rainbow hair around her finger. "I really like this guy, but he doesn't like me! Yesterday, he got this thing called a 'restraining order'."

"_Aw, that sucks, girl! Anyways, I gotta go. Ta!"_

Mary Sue didn't reply and pocketed her phone. She really missed having Kelly around to pretend to care about her problems when she pretended to care about Kelly's. This is the stuff friendship was made out of, in Mary Sue's School for Mary Sue Magic People. Though, actually, she had met Kelly when she was the Unicornkage at the Village Hidden in the Sparkles. Kelly was her second-in-command, and had fallen in love with Itachi Uchiha.

The Perfect Angel unceremoniously rolled out of bed and strolled down the rainbow bridges to the cloud with a large wooden door on it. She opened it and stepped into Marluxia's room.

* * *

Number XI's room always smelled of the manly combination of roses and cologne. Just as the rest of the castle, it was white and gray, and he had a white desk in the corner, with a white folder with a white post-it on it, labeled "CASTLE OBLIVION CRAP". However, Marluxia's room also had a glass door in the far left corner, that led to his beloved garden. If anyone did so much as breathed on his beloved babies, Marluxia would have their heads.

In Marluxia's bed was a sleeping Marluxia.

Number XIII quietly walked over to him and tapped his shoulder. She said, in her sickeningly sweet voice, "Honey, are you awake?"

The Graceful Assassin rolled over and put a pillow over his head, using the classic, "maybe-if-I-ignore-it-it'll-go-away" strategy. Only Lady Luck hated him and was clearly out to kill him.

Mary Sue frowned, having never been the patient type, and smacked his arm. "Honey!"

"Agh, stop it!" Marluxia groggily sat up, and did not seem happy in the slightest. Actually, his expression screamed of murder, especially since he didn't have his coffee yet. "What are you doing in my room?"

"I live in here," The Perfect Angel said, rather matter-of-factly. She pointed to his white, wooden wardrobe. "In there."

Yes, she had somehow cast a spell on his wardrobe so that it also functioned as her room. If anyone else opened it, it would appear as a normal wardrobe. When she opened it, it was her room. And people wonder where Narnia comes from.

"I don't remember giving you- oh hell, what I say doesn't make a difference anyway." Marluxia gave up trying to lecture our hero several chapters ago, so he got up and went over to his dresser. May as well get ready, seeing as he wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep now. He pulled out a brush from the drawer and began to brush his pink hair.

"What did you dream of, darling?"

"…I dreamt of a white flash," Number XI replied, reluctantly to actually tell her these things. Wait a minute, why _was_ he telling? Oh well, he blamed being tired.

"Oh, that was me," Our rainbow-haired protagonist said sheepishly, "I took your picture."

Marluxia turned, his expression a lovechild of horror and anger. "You _what?"_

"It was for my Marluxia scrapbook. Want to see?" Out of nowhere, the Perfect Angel pulled out a rather large, pink book. The opened to a random page, which was filled with pictures of Marluxia and little captions in pink glitter pen and hearts.

"See? This is you sleeping, you eating…oh, and this is you on the toilet!" she said with a smile as if this was perfectly normal.

It took all of The Graceful Assassin's restraint not to kill her on spot. Actually, he wasn't sure what he thought. He was disgusted, angered, and maybe even a little flattered in a weird, roundabout way? Wait, Nobodies don't have emotions. Whatever the case, he sat there, just blinking for a few minutes. Then, he walked over, his hands clenched into fists so tight that he should have been bleeding, grabbed the book from Mary Sue, and tossed it out the window. Yes, his finally knew how he felt, and that was _enraged._

"Um, honeycakes? That was only a copy of the scrapbook."

Fighting to control his anger, Number XI grabbed her wrists. "You. Come with me. _Now."_

He proceeded to drag her out the door.

* * *

Before you loose more brain cells or throw up, let's take a minor detour from Mary Sue again to catch up on Kate. At the same time Mary Sue was being a stalker, Kate was hidden behind a tree on a dirt road in the Naruto universe, which was overrun by Sues nowadays. She had her favorite outfit back- her loose jeans, black leather jacket, and matching boots and fingerless gloves. You may be wondering why the MSSF doesn't have a uniform. It's because they need to blend in- and walking around in a police uniform is not the way to do that.

Her target was gleefully skipping down the road, twirling every few steps. Her long, raven locks flowed behind her and shimmered in the afternoon sun. No, literally, they sparkled. Her eyes seemed iridescent, and they changed colors every few seconds as well. She was wearing the red and black clouds of the Akatsuki, only as a bikini and a miniskirt. There was a trail of small, furry creatures behind her, as well as a unicorn. Did unicorns even exist in the Naruto universe?

Kate recalled the file she'd read on this Sue- and oh man, did she need to go. Her name was Kelly Starshine, though sometimes, 'Uzumaki' was added on the back of her name. She was 22 years old, but looked to be around 15 or so because of her "kawaii desu baby face". She was part elf, part fairy, part teacup, part cat, and one-eighth human. Kelly Starshine also was some sort of warrior princess and was the former advisor to the Unicornkage of the Village in the Sparkles, which Kate, if she remembered correctly, was destroyed by the MSSF back when she and Matt were still at the academy.

As soon as the Sue in question got close enough, Kate jumped out of her hiding spot. She remembered Matt telling her that subtly was a better way to do these things, but screw subtly, this was serious. Kelly Starshine screamed as all the animals dashed off for safety, sensing the impending doom.

"Freeze, Kelly Starshine Uzumaki!" Kate commanded, drawing her special Sue-slaying gun.

Kelly Starshine put her hands up, her eyes wide and horrified. "Like, what is this all about?"

"My name is officer Katelyn Hart of the Mary Sue Slayer Force." Kate pulled out her badge, which she kept inside her jacket. "You are under arrest for disturbing the peace of this universe."

"Me?" Kelly Starshine began to cry. Typical. "But I like, haven't done anything! You…you meanie!"

Kate rolled her eyes. She had dealt with much better insults in her day. "Oh, I'm so offended. You can come with me, or we can do this the hard way."

Suddenly, the tears stopped. Kelly Starshine grinned evilly, and the once-cloudless day began to grow dark.

"I see," Kate said, "We're doing this the hard way."

In a flash, the Sue whipped out a black notebook, which read "DEATH NOTE" in large, white letters on the front. Attached to the cover was a ballpoint pen. She took it and melodramatically threw off the cap as orchestra music played in the background, as if she were to take a potato chip and eat it next.

"Oh, really, is that the best you can come up with?" Kate rolled her eyes, obviously not afraid of the Death Note. "I was expecting something much more creative."

"YOU'RE NOT WORTH MY CHAKRA!" Kelly Starshine laughed manically as she tried scribbling Kate's name into the Death Note- only it was taking much too long. Her expression grew frantic as she scribbled with the pen. Nothing was happening. Kate was very much alive.

"MY PEN'S OUT OF INK!" Kelly Starshine sobbed.

"Sucks for you!" Kate fired her gun as Kelly sobbed on about her pen's lack of ink. The specialized bullet hit her, and she dissolved into a golden, sparkly dust. The little bit of glitter glue left on the ground, Kate knew, was her blood. The Death Note had apparently exploded with her.

Kate put her gun back on her belt. "Another one down, four million to go."

* * *

**A/N:** Updates should come much faster once I finish school.

Also, incase you guys are wondering why I keep having so many Kate intervals, it's because figured there's only so much Mary Sue you can take- and seeing them explode is good, no?


	8. Happy Working Song

**Miss Mary Sue: Final Mix**

Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own anything that belongs to Square-Enix or Disney. Also, _Hikari_ belongs to Utada Hikaru.

**A/N:** I'm on summer vacation now, so updates should come faster (even though there's only like…two or three chapters left).

* * *

**Chapter 8- Happy Working Song  
**

The morning started out normally enough for Xemnas.

He got out of his white bed, in his white room, just like every other white room in the obnoxiously white castle. His room had a lovely white window view of the obnoxiously blue and depressing city, which was a nice contrast from the whiteness of the rest of the castle. But how could you possibly get tired of white? Xemnas certainly never would, hence why he had the local tailor make him this special black-and-white Organization coat that he would only wear on special occasions, like the season premier of _Twilight Town's Next Top Model. _No one said it out loud, but it made him resemble a cow.

Number I sat down in his white office at his white desk after eating a white piece of toast for his white breakfast. Saïx had been kind enough to bring him the white Sunday paper, which he thoroughly enjoyed reading every white Sunday. Yes, today was to be deemed a perfectly uneventful white Sunday-

-until a certain pink-haired Nobody practically kicked down the white door to the white office, holding a rainbow Nobody by the wrist with a deathgrip and was practically fuming.

"Number XI, please refrain from almost destroying my door," Xemnas said.

"Superior," Marluxia growled, "I cannot put up with this anymore."

If you ever wondered with Marluxia came up with a convoluted scheme to overthrow the Superior in Castle Oblivion, now you know why.

"But Honeycakes, we have _twu luv!"_ the only party in the room stupid enough to say that sparkled for added effect. "And I need to know what color my wedding dress should be!"

Marluxia chose to ignore her.

"What is the problem?" Xemnas asked, leaning back slightly in his chair. Too bad they were out of white Advil, he would certainly be needing it after this.

"She took pictures of me eating, sleeping, and…doing my business, and put it in a scrapbook!"

Number I raised an eyebrow. Well, that was certainly on the more disturbing things he had heard that day. He wasn't entirely surprised, however- it seemed like something your average fangirl would do. It was just a unique brand of stalking that involved making crafts out of it. Nothing that hadn't already been done multiple times on the internet.

Xemnas had better things to do than get involved in his underlings' personal lives, though. Nor did he want to make the girl cry- it broke his nonexistent heart when rainbow teenagers cried like two-year olds. "Number XIII, that is not acceptable. Do not do it again, or I will be forced to take disciplinary action."

Marluxia had to restrain himself from yelling. "And this does not warrant discipline, Superior?"

"Be mindful of your tone," Xemnas said sharply. "What would you like to do, Number XI?"

"I apologize, Superior. May we mail her to Siberia?"

"Do not be foolish. I am not paying to have her mailed to Siberia."

Leave it to the Superior to be a cheapskate.

The Graceful Assassin paused, releasing a breath that probably would have turned into yelling. Only a little while to go until Castle Oblivion, then the Superior would be getting what was coming to him. Yes…he would be getting his vengeance for this negligence very soon.

"…Superior, I humbly ask you to at least punish her for this," he said calmly. "She violated my personal space and acted inappropriately."

Number I pondered this for a few moments, taking a sip of white coffee (yes, it does exist, and it is made from white coffee beans) from his white mug.

"…Very well, Number XI, I will punish her." Xemnas turned his swivel chair to face Mary Sue. "Your punishment, starting immediately, is to clean Number IV's laboratory with a toothbrush."

Number XI grinned. "Thank you, Superior."

Mary Sue, however, did not seem nearly as pleased with this news. She pouted, her eyes turning a deep shade of purple that apparently meant that she was displeased. She folded her arms as she whined, "But I have a wedding to plan!"

"You may do that after you clean."

"WE ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED." Number XI didn't know why he bothered arguing this anymore since it always fell on deaf ears, but hey, maybe one of these days, his self-proclaimed fiancée would get the message. Maybe in a strange way, he secretly enjoyed this sort of attention; but _not_ from her, and _not_ in the form of stalking.

"Oh, you silly teacup, of course we are!" Mary Sue kissed his cheek before skipping off to go clean Vexen's lab, muttering about how unfair her life was while she was at it.

Marluxia rubbed his cheek. "…If you will excuse me, Superior, I believe I need to go take a bath in acid now."

* * *

Vexen's lab, like all stereotypical creepy bad guy laboratories, was situated in the basement of the Castle That Never Was. Being that it was in the basement, it was darker than the other rooms of the castle, and was actually a shade of dark blue with all the computers and floor tiles. There were racks of stereotypical unnamed chemicals on the shelves that smelled faintly of baked Alaska. There was an old, dusty bookshelf against the wall with books stacked and pushed against each other, and there various notes tapes to the shelf itself. In the center of the room was a large table with papers and books scattered all over it, such as complicated-looking math equations and notes about hearts and the heart of all the worlds, or something equally as Disney.

Mary Sue had been scrubbing the floor with a pink, glittery toothbrush for about five minutes when a realization hit her. "I should sing to pass the time!"

She stood up, completely wasting time, and began to use her toothbrush as a microphone. Using her SUPAH AMAZIN POWAHS, the toothbrush really did act as a microphone, and strobe lights suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"_Donna toki datte_

_Tada hitori de_

_Unmei wasurete_

_Ikite kita no ni_

_Totsuzen no hikari no naka me ga sameru_

_Mayonaka ni!"_

Of course, she felt the need to sing the song's Japanese version. So much more kawaii desu that way. But thanks to her singing, many small, furry animals began to crowd themselves into Vexen's lab to listen to her enchanting voice. There were bunnies, unicorns, kittens, maybe an odd Nyan Cat- you name it.

"Oh, my!" The Perfect Angel gave an exaggerated gasp, as if she wasn't expecting this to happen. "Would you like to help me clean?"

* * *

Zexion, the sixth member of Organization XIII, was not emo. First of all, that required a heart, which he lacked.

Most days, he just kept to himself, maybe socializing with Lexaeus or Vexen, two of the only members he could actually stand to be around at length (but Vexen really did grate on his nerves with that creepy laugh of his). He couldn't be bothered to keep up with the Organization gossip- he had better things to concern himself with. This didn't make him emo, though, nor did it make him anti-social; it just made him have a low tolerance for the rest of the Organization. You can't judge a man based on his haircut.

That particular day, he was sitting in his room (which, contrary to popular belief, lacked Linkin Park and Evanescence posters), at his desk, scribbling down a few notes from the book Vexen had lent him a few days ago. Fascinating thing, the book was- perhaps he could use it in one his plans down the line. After all, Castle Oblivion was coming up soon, and there were rumors floating around about Marluxia and Larxene. None of which had gotten back to the Superior, of course, but Zexion couldn't quite brush them off. Better safe than sorry, in his opinion.

Closing the book as he finished, Number VI exited his room and headed downstairs to return Vexen's book to him. Number IV was normally in his lab, so the Cloaked Schemer figured that was where he'd be.

_Is someone singing?_ He thought, hearing a sound that sounded faintly like a young lady singing something in Japanese. _No, that is complete nonsense, Larxene would never sing._

The only person he could think of that would be singing was Axel, and he only did that in the shower, which wasn't located downstairs. Plus, he didn't sing in Japanese, and the voice was to high to be his. Most of the time, when Zexion had heard him in the shower, he was singing his own render of _Viva la Vida,_ which would haunt Number VI for the rest of his nonexistent life.

Approaching the lab, the singing got louder. Maybe Vexen had some bizarre foreign tape on. It wasn't Zexion's business, anyways. He turned the doorknob and pushed open the door.

"Vexen, I have your…" his voice trailed off when he saw what was going on in the lab.

The rainbow teenage girl he had seen stalking Marluxia (who was apparently Number XIII) was scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush, but that wasn't the strange part. There were pairs of rabbits all over the place, who were _also_ scrubbing the place with sponges. A bunch of kittens were running around and cleaning the floor. There was one kitten who seemed to be some sort of toaster pastry-cat hybrid that was crapping out a rainbow and cleaning the walls while flying. And…Kingdom Hearts, was that a unicorn cleaning the bookshelf?

"Oh, hello, Zexy!" Number XIII spun around and smiled. Number VI _hated_ that stupid nickname. "Have you met my animal friends? This is Daisy, this is Sugar, this is Pumpkin…"

The Cloaked Schemer closed his eyes and shook his head. This was bizarre. It was probably on the list of the more bizarre things he had seen in his day- and he had seen some pretty bizarre things in his time. Take the Organization's annual Christmas party, for example. Leave it to Saïx to teach astronomy and anatomy in _one picture._

"…Just," he interrupted, "Give this to Vexen when you see him, alright?"

That was ten more words than he would have generally liked to have said to her in this particular situation- or in general, really- but he really didn't want to stand there and listen to roll call for a bunch of cute animals doing housework. The smell of rabbits and baked Alaska was overwhelming his extremely sensitive nose.

"Oh, sure!" Mary Sue skipped over and took the book from him. "Can you do _me_ a favor? Can you tell Marluxia I found a catering hall?"

Catering hall? What in all the worlds…he suddenly had no desire to know.

Zexion gave a short, curt nod and exited the room quickly, coughing into his hand from the overwhelming stench he had previously been exposed to.

Was he going to tell Marluxia?

Of course not. Marluxia was on his bad list.

Speaking of his bad list, he had just found another thing to add.

* * *

"What a cute boy." Mary Sue giggled after Zexion was out of earshot. She sighed dreamily, enchanted by his quiet, mysterious demeanor. He was totally emo, she decided- he had the hair. He probably had Linkin Park and Evanescence posters all over his room. She made a mental note that if the Marluxia thing didn't work out, Zexion was her backup.

How did she know his mind, you might be asking? Simple, her SUPAH AMAZIN POWAHS.

Suddenly, her phone, which was on Vexen's lab table, vibrated, which meant she had gotten a new text message. Her toaster-pastry cat friend flew by and picked it up with his/her mouth, and dropped it in her lap.

"Thank you!" she said, unlocking it and reading the text. It was from Kelly Starshine Uzumaki.

"_Mary Sue,_

_My name is Officer Katelyn Hart of the Mary Sue Slayer Force. I have just taken care of your friend, Kelly Starshine Uzumaki. I will be coming for you tomorrow. Don't even try to run. It won't work._

_Best regards,_

_Kate"_

"Holy unicorns on a flying tricycle covered in chocolate syrup flying through Canada!" Mary Sue cried. The animals all whimpered from her foul language. "She's coming for me! And she killed Kelly Starshine. That's like, totally uncool."

She was sad for a full five and half seconds, but then came to a sudden realization.

"That Kate girl won't get me! I'll show her who's boss and have my REVENGE."

* * *

**A/N:** Just to clarify, I have nothing against emos, I was just pointing out some of the ridiculous stereotypes of them, particularly the ones I've seen associated with Zexion (who is my favorite Organization member).


	9. Good Day, Mary Sue

**Miss Mary Sue: Final Mix**

Disclaimer: Still not owning anything that belongs to Square-Enix or Disney. Or anything else I made reference to in this chapter.

**A/N:** I apologize for waiting do long to update this, it's mostly because I've been addicted to the Sims and out of the country.

Also, I'm sorry for not replying to reviews- I'm a bit forgetful and I tend to forget which ones I've replied to. But I do read and appreciate every one of them! I'd send you all a basket of cookies if I could.

* * *

**Chapter 9- Good Day, Mary Sue**

If there was one thing Marluxia enjoyed almost as much as gardening and plotting to overthrow Xemnas, it was taking baths.

Well, he had to stay looking his best _somehow_, right? Hair as fabulous as his just didn't happen on its own. And it was where he did his best thinking, probably since he didn't have to deal with idiots such as Axel or Vexen. Yes, baths were his own "Marly Time", a time which he could never possibly be disturbed since he always made sure to lock the door behind him.

But there was a new reason he loved "Marly Time", a reason that had only occurred in the past few days.

Mary Sue.

Oh, how that girl made his skin crawl. She drove him up the wall, moreso than he was usually driven up said wall. He'd already filed for an online restraining order. The scrap book was the absolute last straw. Why wouldn't she just leave him alone? He would have thought Axel, Demyx, or Zexion were more appealing to the teenage girl populace. Then again, he could see why she was so attracted to him- he was gorgeous, after all.

Suddenly, the white bathroom door (as you could have guessed, the bathroom was just as white as the rest of the castle) was melodramatically kicked down, and in flounced Mary Sue.

"Marly-chancakes! I've booked the reception hall! And some nasty woman called Kate is conspiring to kill me!"

Even though he was in a bubble bath and Mary Sue could therefore not see from his shoulders down, Marluxia proceeded to scream for a solid five minutes. Nobodies are nonexistent, so using some pseudo-science explanation that most fanfiction has at some point, his throat amazingly did not hurt from this.

Marluxia calmed himself down after he had lost feeling in his cheeks. Mary Sue apparently found this the cutest thing in the world. "Wait, darling, hold that pose!"

"What?"

Mary Sue pulled a camera out of hyperspace and snapped a photo of the shell-shocked Graceful Assassin. The new picture came out of the slit at the bottom of the camera, and she placed it in the stalker scrapbook, which Number XI swore wasn't there five minutes ago.

Instead of cursing her out like a mature adult, Marluxia proceeded to scream again. He was probably screaming out of pent-up frustration, anger, disgust, horror…all of those emotions wrapped up and tied with a bow. And he was sort of hoping it would scare her into leaving, but since when had luck been on his side?

As would imagine, this was loud enough for the rest of the Organization to hear, even the ones who normally hung around the basement. This would explain why Axel came barreling in, pushing past Mary Sue and wielding a broom.

"Who died?" he demanded, whacking Number XI with the broom.

Thanking whatever sense he had to use a bubble bath that day, Marluxia yanked the broom from Axel and tossed it at him, quite pissed off now.

"Both of you," he growled. "Get out. NOW."

Numbers XIII and VIII, not wanting to face an enraged Graceful Assassin at the moment, did what they were told for once.

About ten minutes later, Marluxia emerged from the bathroom wearing his pink, floral bathrobe. His "Marly Time" was sufficiently ruined. His arms were folded, and for some reason, he looked quite unhappy.

Processing the ungodly ability to read the atmosphere like some sort of atmosphere-reading goddess, Mary Sue attached herself to Marluxia's arm and rambled on about her own problems.

"Darling, Pumpkin Pie!" The Perfect Angel whined, "some nasty hag is trying to kill me!"

Well, that was certainly the best news he had received all morning, even if part of him thought it was too good to possibly be true. He smiled, for the first time in Kingdom Hearts knows how long.

"Good," he said simply.

"No!" Mary Sue protested, stomping her foot. "You're supposed to be sad and protect me! I'm your lover!"

"I don't have to do anything," Marluxia replied, rather calmly. "You've been annoying the hell out of me for the past two days, not to mention stalking and harassing me. I'd be more than happy to see you go. And frankly, I wouldn't shed a tear. Incase you've forgotten, none of us have hearts anyway, and are therefore incapable of being sad to begin with."

Here is a translation of the previous statement into Mary Sue:

"Of course I will save you, baby cakes! You're my sun, moon, and asteroid belt! I love how you make a cute scrapbook of all our time together! It's simply precious! If you were to die, I'd be beside myself with grief, even if I lack a heart!"

You can only assume which one of these out beloved protagonist heard as she smiled like a yaoi fan girl let loose on an M-rated AkuRoku yaoi fanfic website. "I love you too, darling!"

* * *

Now, I'd like to take a mild detour from the misadventures of Marluxia and Mary Sue for a moment. Do you remember the school that keeps getting mentioned? Mary Sue's School For Mary Sue Magic People?

Mary Sue's School For Mary Sue Magic People is located in the clouds above Hogwarts, you see. It is a bright pink castle, which sparkles and has unicorns eating cloud…stuff on the property. There are also rainbow bridges connecting clouds with other parts of the campus, such as the dorms, spa, library, ect. Mary Sues who graduate there go out into the world to infect other universes, only after they pass with flying rainbows in classes such as "Bishies 101", "How to Get Your Man", "Unicorn Safety", "Summoning for the Gorgeous", and "Advanced Sparkling". It's rumored that the final exam for Advanced Sparkling is the toughest in the school.

The headmistress of the school was sitting in her pink office the day after Mary Sue interrupted "Marly Time", at her pink desk, drinking pink-colored coffee out her pink mug (wow, déjà vu?). She was quite a remarkable Sue, by Sue stands, which she likely invented herself (and based off herself, as a matter of fact). She was probably around the age of 78,986,848,997, but looked about 20, since any older than that would be considered to be an old hag. Her bright blue hair was tied neatly into a bun, and her eyes were vibrant pools of electric green, which changed colors with her mood. Her waist was about an inch in diameter, while she wore a J-cup bra. She was tanned in the right spots to add to her perfection, and her pink, sparkly dress only came to about mid-thigh, and was low-cut.

Two white, feathery wings protruded from her back, and she was reclining in her chair. A small, golden crown rested on the top of her head, and she also sported cat ears and a wolf tail. Her name was, of course, Madame Belle, but that was only a nickname, since her full name was somewhere around 866 words.

She was ignoring her paperwork when a timid-looking young man in his early-mid twenties opened the door to her office and invited himself in. Using her Shinigami eyes, she could see his name: Matthew Stone.

His skin was pale, due to many hour spent in front of a computer screen. Behind a pair of glasses were a pair of boring gray eyes, and he also had boring light brown hair. His clothes were rather ordinary as well; a green military-style jacket worn open over a black turtle neck, jeans, and black sneakers.

"Madame Belle," he stated calmly, though there was a hint of nervousness in his tone as he drew his badge. "My name is Matthew Stone of the Mary Sue Slayer Force."

"Ah, yes," Madame Belle said, he voice dripping with boredom. She was clearly not impressed by the timid, lanky man who stood before her. "I've been expecting one of your pitiful 'agents' to drop by. You sent some woman here the other day to make an empty threat about destroying my establishment."

"That wasn't an empty threat," Matt said firmly, "we gave you a few days to surrender yourself and your students, but you refused. Now we're going to destroy the school in roughly fifteen minutes."

Oh, well, that was the kind of news that could really dampen someone's day.

"L-LIES!" Madame Belle screamed, jumping up out of her seat. Her eyes turned blood red. Matt, scared out of his mind at this point, kept a hand on the gun he had in the pocket of his jacket. He was under orders not to shoot as long as she didn't attack him; the noise from shooting her would disturb the other Sues and they would flee the building, making the venture useless, not to mention the fact that Matt hated guns to begin with.

He had to get out of there in fifteen minutes.

"No, I'm not," Matt said shakily. "N-Not at all. We warned you and offered to just arrest you and you s-students instead of destroying the school, but you didn't listen. This s-school has been a mass producer of Sues since the dawn of the Sue A-Age."

Madame Bell couldn't believe it! He had to be lying! This couldn't be happening! He was just some idiot, rookie Sue Slayer, trying to scare her! This was all hogwash, or whatever that meant!

Hogwash…that's right. That's all it was.

Regaining herself, Madame Belle smiled so calmly it was unsettling and sat back down in her chair. She folded her hands in her lap. "I suggest you leave. I do not appreciate poppycock in my office, boy."

_She actually knows what 'poppycock' means?_ Matt thought, then shook his head a bit. Focus. "…Fine, suit yourself. Don't say we didn't warn you."

The Sue Slayer turned and walked right out of the office. He only started sprinting when he was a good forty feet from it, when he'd realized how much time he wasted. He needed to get out there! He pushed past a bunch of giggling Mary Sues as he made his was down the sparkly stairs and out the door. He didn't stop running until he was safe distance from the main building of the school, with a minute or two to spare. He ducked behind a random unicorn with a kitten tattooed on its butt as there was a huge explosion.

Matt didn't even realized he'd tightly closed his eyes until he slowly opened them several minutes after the explosion. Where the school once stood was a smoldering pile of ash sprinkled with glitter and confetti. Even the rainbow bridges were destroyed. The unicorn he was hiding behind seemed largely unfazed and continued grazing on cloud…stuff.

He knew that getting rid of that school wasn't going to eliminate the Sues, nor stop them; they'd only reduced the number by a tiny fraction, and they'd certain hadn't stopped them from coming. They'd just stopped one of the many sources, which was a victory in itself.

The Sue Slayer breathed a sigh of relief, just as his cellphone started to vibrate in his pocket.

"Hello?"

"_Hey, dorkface."_

Matt smiled. He'd know that voice anywhere. "Hey, Kate. What's up?"

"_The Sue school just got blown up, right?"_ Kate asked.

"Yeah…the headmistress wouldn't listen to me. It went smoother than expected," Matt replied, glancing at the unicorn sniffing his face. "We shouldn't have to worry about it anymore, though I'm willing to bet there are survivors."

"_Yeah, probably, Sues are tricky like that,"_ Kate replied. She hesitated for a minute before speaking again. _"I'm about to leave to kill that Kingdom Hearts Sue."_

"Seriously? Good luck, Kate!" He brushed some ash and glitter out of his hair.

"_Well, I just wanted to tell you something before I go,"_ Kate said on the other end. _"You might be a dork, but you're _my _dork. Got that? And since you're my dork, I want to take you to get pizza when this is all over."_

That was unexpected. Matt felt his face heat up. The unicorn looked at him like he had three heads. "O-Oh, well, u-uh, sure! Um…I-I think…uh…"

Kate laughed. _"Calm down, Matt. I've really got to go. See you soon, I love you."_

"I-I love you, too!"

Kate hung up, and Matt pocketed his phone, still red as a tomato. Sometimes, life was good.

* * *

Mary Sue was on the phone with the catering hall while clinging to Marluxia's arm, blissfully unaware that her school had been destroyed only a little while earlier. They were sitting in the castle's lounge, which, as you know, is all white. The couch, the floor, the ceiling, everything. Even the door, which, coincidentally, was kicked down by a young woman in her twenties, wearing jeans, black boots, and a black leather jacket. Her brown hair was tied in a messy ponytail, and her badge was in her hand.

"…Yes, of course I want the seafood melody…oh, hold on, I have company," Number XIII said, presumably to the people at the catering hall. She put down the phone and detached herself from Marluxia's arm. She knew that the woman was Kate of the MSSF, since she had her badge out. Besides, people kicking down doors is generally not a good sign.

"Freeze, Mary Sunlight Ramen Dawn Moonbeam Starlight Shimmer Heaven Earth Coffee Starbucks Hamster Gym Socks Cloud Gumdrop Materia Christmas Turtle Soup Daisy Miso Neko Kawaii Amazing Gorgeous Loch Ness Candy Rainbow Apple Cloud Rain Snow Hail Sleet Strife Heart Lily Athena Ocean Star January February March April May June July August September October November December Antidisestablishmentarianism Sue!" Kate was practically out of breath by the end of her sentence, drawing her gun. "You are under arrest for disturbing the peace of this universe."

Under arrest? No! That was impossible! She didn't do anything wrong! Marlypoopoo loved her, and they were going to get married! This nasty hag had it all wrong! Surely her darling Marlycakes would save her, right? She was not getting arrested!

"…This is almost too good to be true," the Marlycakes in question said, grinning. "I could hug you right now."

"Marlyfoofoo!" Mary Sue cried, using this time to come up with all sorts of nicknames for the unfortunate Marluxia. "How dare you?"

"It's my job, sir," Kate replied. "And I have a boyfriend, so I'll pass on the hug."

Number XIII blinked. Normal people could actually have significant others? What sort of weird new concept was this? It was possible to make people like you without having sparkles, wings, or unicorns? Nonsense! All sensible guys loved a girl in sparkles! It was a fact! Common knowledge! That was why all the bishies loved her!

"How could someone like you have a boyfriend? You're not nearly as pretty, smart, amazing, or anything as me!" Our sparkly protagonist flipped her rainbow hair for added effect, though it really prove her point any more.

"It's because unlike you," Kate explained evenly, "I have flaws and people who care about me. Sure, I may not be perfect. Most people out there aren't. But that's what makes us human. You, on the other hand, are nothing but a monster."

That was certainly a good way to enrage the Perfect Angel.

Number XIII summoned all three of her Keyblades, her eyes practically glowing like Storm from X-Men. She was pissed, oh yes. Royally pissed, as a matter of fact. She had never been so insulted in her entire life- she had just been called a monster! She was also terrified, since the prospect of being arrested by a Sue Slayer was something a Mary Sue was taught her whole life to avoid. If the MSSF arrests a Sue rather than kill them, they're simply placed in jail and taught to be better characters if they're willing to cooperate. This process is generally called "revision".

She began to blindly charge at Kate, who simply moved out of the way when the Perfect Angel got too close. Mary Sue kept charging, though, and ran straight into the wall.

Kate sighed. "Are you through? This is rather anticlimactic."

Mary Sue smiled manically- which was rather creepy, since her sanity had slipped away at this point in an attempt to protect herself. Well, what little sanity she actually processed, anyways. In her right hand, which was also holding one of her Keyblades, was Kate's gun, which she had managed to grab out of the Sue Slayer's hand when she'd charged using her SUPAH AMAZIN POWAHS.

"Crap!" Kate hissed. She couldn't believe she didn't even notice that. And now she was faced with a deranged Mary Sue with three Keyblades without a weapon. This wasn't going according to plan. No, she just planned to shoot or arrest the Sue and go for pizza all within an hour.

Number XIII charged again, only this time, Kate was too slow to dodge, and ended up getting a nasty gash on her arm. She swore under her breath, which was censored due to the source material for this fanfic being co-owned by Disney.

Marluxia figured this was time to intervene. He stood up, summoning his scythe. Only reason he hadn't taken care of her himself before is because the Superior would have had his head for killing a fellow Organization member without reason, which apparently stalking and harassing did not qualify for. But now he could say that it was justified self-defense if he had Kate as his witness.

"No!" Kate cried. "Stay out of this! She could seriously hurt you!"

"What could a silly little girl possibly do to me?" Marluxia scoffed. Of course he'd seen what she had done to Axel, but that was Axel, and therefore did not count. He was a much better fighter than Axel, after all.

Mary Sue's sanity was too far gone to actually care about her beloved Graceful Assassin trying to assist in her demise. She was too busy trying to prevent herself from getting killed or arrested.

"She could kill you, for starters!" Kate began frantically looking around for something- anything- she could use that might be of use.

Then, she spotted it.

A lone bookshelf in the corner.

She knew what she was thinking was insane- no one knew what kind of power that would unleash if she actually tried it. It had been discussed in the academy of course, only as a last-ditch approach, since the results were so unpredictable. But what other option did she have? She had no weapon, Mary Sue was charging up another attack, and Marluxia was going to do something stupid.

Kate knew what she had to do- even if she had to go down with the Sue. She ran over to the bookshelf, quickly grabbing the first book she could get her good hand on. _I'm sorry, Matt._

_"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife,"_ she read.

"Wait…stop!" The Perfect Angel's eyes grew wide. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Kate read on. This Sue was too dangerous to let live. _"However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighborhoods, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered the rightful property of someone or other of their daughter."_

Our protagonist began to scream. Like a banshee, to be exact. The ground began to shake with the power of the decent literature that was evoked. The shaking got more violent until everyone in the room lost their footing, and there was a gigantic flash. Kate felt her head smash against the ground, and everything went dark.

* * *

When the Sue Slayer came to, she groggily sat up. There was an open copy of _Pride and Prejudice _on her chest. The room was a mess, as everything had fallen off the white shelves, and there was pink glitter goop and confetti everywhere. The Graceful Assassin was luckily still alive, and was trying to fix up the room before Xemnas noticed.

Well, that went better than she thought it would- she thought she would be killed or something, not just the Sue. Then again, she had only used the first paragraph, not the whole chapter.

Words are a powerful thing.

"Oh, good, you're awake," Number XI said, pausing his cleaning for a moment. "…I suppose I owe you my gratitude for ridding me of that horrid creature. Though I am not thanking you for destroying this room. The Superior will have my head."

Kate offered a half-smile and stood up, taking the book in one hand and dusting herself off with the other. "Sorry about that. I can help you clean, since it kind of was my fault. I didn't think she'd take my gun. Do you have a first-aid kit or something? I'd rather not die of blood loss."

"Good. And there should be one in the closet."

Kate nodded. "Thanks."

The Graceful Assassin resumed wiping the glittery goop off the white floor. "Good day, Mary Sue."

* * *

**A/N: **Up next is the epilogue, then this will all be over! Unless I decide to Final Mix _The Rise of Gary Stu_.


	10. Epilouge

**Miss Mary Sue: Final Mix**

Disclaimer: I think you all know by now that I don't own Kingdom Hearts or anything else I may allude to.

**A/N:** I LIVE!

And this is the last chapter of Miss Mary Sue.

* * *

**Epilogue**

After the death of Mary Sue, things slowly gravitated back to normal. Well, as normal as a group of twelve non-existent beings without hearts can be. Kate stayed behind with Marluxia to clean up the lounge for several hours before she needed to return to the MSSF headquarters. They did manage to clean up quite a bit of glitter goop off the floor, but it was still on the walls. Various books and papers were still on the floor where they had fallen. The room also faintly smelled of unicorn vomit.

When Xemnas walked in on the middle of Marluxia picking up some of the books after Kate left, he raised an eyebrow. "Number XI-"

"Superior, I can explain-"

Number I, however, cut him off by waving his hand. He surveyed the room, which looked like two idiots had tried to clean up after a decent-literature-inspired tornado ran through the place. His amber gave carefully observed the walls, ceiling, floor, and shelves. Marluxia shifted, somewhat nervously.

"…Did you rearrange the bookshelf, Number XI?"

After The Graceful Assassin finally had to explain to Xemnas what happened, aside from the bookshelf being re-arranged, there was the question of what to do about the now-vacant position of the organization's thirteenth member. After all, Organization XII wasn't a very badass title. There was something about _Organization XIII_ that just had a nicer ring to it.

In the midst of all this pondering, several days later, Axel just so happened to come across a blond-haired boy who sounded suspiciously like Jesse McCartney when he was out on a mission. Not only that, it turns out that this kid could wield _two_ Keyblades. Yes sir, it seemed like the Square Enix gods were just handing out free Keyblades like candy to trick-or-treaters on Halloween.

Since two Keyblades was almost as good as three, the kid was immediately accepted into the Organization. He got bonus points for not sparkling and attaching himself to a certain pink-haired flower fanatic.

They called him Pablo.

Until Axel changed his name to "Roxas".

* * *

Mary Sue herself was not-so-dearly missed. All of her stuff seemed to just disappear when she'd exploded. The wardrobe, the small animals that she attracted whenever she sang, everything. This was a welcome development to most inhabitants of the castle, especially Marluxia. Because she had caused them all so much pain and misery, she became sort of a taboo within the castle walls. Everyone sheepishly avoided the topic like a rainbow, sparkling elephant in the room. Roxas had inquired about it several times, but the answer was almost always "I dunno, ask Marluxia." Said Nobody refused to recall the topic.

Speaking of the Graceful Assassin, having his annoying stalker gone brought much-needed peace and quiet to his non-existent life, even if he did spend days on the phone with various catering halls and what he assumed to be other Sues, canceling wedding plans.

When he finally put down the phone after that last conversation about cancelling the wedding reception, he breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, it was all over. That is, until he decided to check his e-mail that evening. Axel had sent him a link to some website. Number XI frowned. It was probably that stupid poptart cat or something. Against his better judgment, he clicked the link.

It was worse than any poptart cat or Rickroll combined and multiplied by seventeen.

It was Mary Sue's tumblr.

With all her pictures from her stalker scrapbook posted.

All of them.

After seeing that, Marluxia proceeded to scream for a solid five minutes.

* * *

Back to Miss Mary Sue herself, she did live on in some way. She had gone down in Sue Slayer history as one of the most notorious Sues of all time, mostly because she was so infamous, with her 53 names and over-the-top antics. She'd even earned her own plaque in the Hall of Shame, which, under a picture of the lady herself, read the following:

"_Mary Sunlight Ramen Dawn Moonbeam Starlight Shimmer Heaven Earth Coffee Starbucks Hamster Gym Socks Cloud Gumdrop Materia Christmas Turtle Soup Daisy Miso Neko Kawaii Amazing Gorgeous Loch Ness Candy Rainbow Apple Cloud Rain Snow Hail Sleet Strife Heart Lily Athena Ocean Star January February March April May June July August September October November December Antidisestablishmentarianism Sue._

_Mary Sue 53-Name._

_A-Level._

_Kingdom Hearts Fandom._

_May she rest in pieces."_

Kate, the Sue Slayer who'd taken her out of the picture, was enjoying life as well. She'd had her five minutes of fame (which basically consisted of people at the headquarters saying, "Hey, you took out old 53-Name!") after slaying the Sue, but for the most part, kept a low profile; not that she wouldn't welcome praise. But she did enjoy taking things slowly in the aftermath of Mary Sue.

Not only that, she did have a boyfriend now.

On the Saturday after Mary Sue's death, Kate and Matt decided to have their first official "date". It was nothing formal, just lunch at a local pizza place, about a block away from headquarters. It was a nice day; the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and all was well. It was an overall cheerful mood that only came with the demise of the Perfect Angel.

Kate herself even seemed to be cheery. The shoulder that had been hurt during her fight with Mary Sue had been bandaged, and would probably heal within a week or two. She was sipping a soda and sitting across from Matt, who seemed to be nervous. Then again, he always was.

"Hey, Matt?" she asked suddenly.

"Hm?"

Kate paused for a moment, almost as though she was unsure of what to say, or she was uncharacteristically self-conscious about it. "Do you think I'm…you know, special?"

Matt, on the other hand, blinked. "…Who are you and what have you done with Kate?"

"I'm serious!" Kate protested, although playfully. "That Sue…y'know, 53-Name. She said she couldn't see someone like me having a boyfriend because I'm not special. Not that I really give a crap what she thinks, but…"

The other Sue Slayer began to stir his water with his straw, which was probably something of a nervous habit. Normally, he clicked his pen, but he didn't have it on him. "Well…I mean, compared to a Sue, you're not special. None of us are. But that's a good thing. Being too special…too perfect. That's what makes them monsters. You and I have flaws, we have emotions. We do stupid things, we make mistakes, we say things we regret later. That's what makes us human."

"Yeah, you're right." Kate smiled. "Thanks."

"No problem." Matt smiled back, but suddenly, he frowned, noticing something out of the corner of his eye.

"Matt?"

"…I feel like we're being watched," he said lowly.

"You're just being paranoid. No one's watching us." Kate folded her arms. "C'mon, let's order something."

Matt didn't look convinced, but nodded anyway and looked over the menu.

What Kate didn't realize was that Matt was indeed correct. There was someone watching them, from behind a tall building across the street. This someone appeared to be a young boy in his early teens. He was somewhat lanky, but wore nothing but tight, black leather and black boots. At his hip was a very manly sword. He had jet black hair, and his crimson eyes glared daggers at the Sue Slayers.

"You'll pay for the death of my sister, Katelyn Hart. For my name isn't…Gary Stu!"

* * *

**A/N: **AND WE'RE DONE!

I'd like to thank each and every one of you who reviewed and favorited this story, and for having the patience with me to stick it through to the end. You guys are awesome and I'd send all of you cookies if I could.

Next, _the Rise of Gary Stu _WILL be Final Mixed! I can't say when I'll start the project, considering I'm now a high school junior, but it will happen!

I hope you guys enjoyed the re-written tale of Mary Sue!

- Reaper


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